


Just Another Night

by haganenoheichou



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Deception, Eventual Romance, M/M, Sexual Content, eruri - Freeform, erwin x levi, former prostitute Levi, manipulative!Levi, marraige, post-ACWNR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-06-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 08:10:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3602781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haganenoheichou/pseuds/haganenoheichou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is sleeping with Commander Erwin Smith for protection. Erwin is genuinely in love. Levi starts feeling something more than pity. The entire Survey Corps knows. Everyone, except Erwin Smith himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, well, well, yet another Eruri story. This one won't be as long as The Royal Decree, but the plot bunny was holding me hostage and refusing to let go. Enjoy!

Levi exhaled with relief when he felt Erwin collapse on top of him with an air of finality. Resisting the urge to make the older man move off him so that he could scrape his skin clean of any evidence of their activities, he lay back on the soft mattress, eyes closed. He knew it was coming, yet every time he wished that Erwin wouldn’t insist on saying it. It wasn’t true, not to him. And he was forced to say it back, since this was how their arrangement worked. Not that Erwin knew that there was any sort of arrangement. That existed solely in Levi’s head.

“I love you.” Warm breath washed over his left ear and he shivered, not in delight, as one would if they were to find themselves in the same position, having just had sex with none other but the Thirteenth Commander of the Survey Corps. This was torture.

“I… I have to go,” he said quietly, forcing himself to run his fingers through Erwin’s hair in what he hoped was an affectionate gesture. Not that he would know. “Hanji will start wondering where I am.”

“Hanji knows where you are,” Erwin replied quietly. Levi kept his eyes closed, knowing that he couldn’t meet the blond man’s piercing blue gaze. This was the hardest part of his little affair: the sex was easy, as was the lying. The looking was hard. “They were the one who brought us together in the first place.”

_That’s a lie. This never would have happened if I didn’t want it to. If I hadn’t seduced you._

“Perhaps, but I still need to be there to face the squad sometime before dinner,” Levi replied quietly. “Your cronies still think I’m not trustworthy.”

“They’ve been getting better. They know that you’re special to me, and they respect that.”

_Because they know we’re doing this. They know we’re sleeping together. I wanted them to know._

“Doubt it. Mike still sniffs me like he did back in the Underground,” Levi replied quietly. “Can you get off me? It’s kind of hard to breathe with a mound of muscle lying on top of me.”

“You love it.”

_I don’t._

“I do.”

The Commander sighed and removed himself from within Levi’s body, his gaze soft. Levi chose to ignore it, reaching for a towel to wipe himself clean. Erwin wasn’t a bad lover: Levi had come, joylessly, screaming his release to be more convincing. It had worked. As the younger soldier removed the traces of come from his skin, he sat up, doing everything in his power to make his avoidance as un-obvious as possible.

“We should do this more often.”

_We shouldn’t._

“We should.”

“I barely see you these days,” Erwin said, reaching out to stroke Levi’s bare shoulder. He pried the cloth from Levi’s deft fingers to clean himself off, and the younger man suppressed a grimace of disgust. He had found early into their little affair that Erwin had very little awareness of personal space.

“You were the one who wanted me to throw myself into training.”

“But you’re the one who’s adamant on staying out later than everyone else.”

_Because then I can avoid your company._

“That’s because I want to be as good as I can get,” Levi replied shortly. “Which is also why I should go now.”

“Maybe I don’t want you to go.”

“Too bad. I’m leaving.” Levi got up, picking up his clothes as he went, as quickly as he could manage. He had to get out of here before he said something that would ruin his prospects. He had to keep his eyes on the prize. And the prize was protection. Erwin’s protection from the Military Police, from his own people, all of whom undoubtedly distrusted this new upstart from the Underground. Sure, most of them had pitied Levi at first, as soon as he had lost his friends during the mission, he had received a popularity boost, yet death was nothing new in the Survey Corps and the newness had worn off pretty quickly. Levi could feel the unfriendly glares on his back, he could smell the tension escalating as soon as he entered the mess hall for dinner. The only thing standing between him and a backstabbing was the fact that the entire regiment knew what went on in Erwin’s bedroom. Granted, they all kept quiet about it, but Levi knew the nickname he had received as soon as Hanji had seen the two of them leaving the showers together one night: the Commander’s _whore_. Levi wore the label proudly, knowing that this was for his own good. If only Erwin weren’t so clingy. If only Erwin would protect him without falling in love with him.

When he looked at his lover for the last time before leaving, his expression was that of pity.

Erwin mistook it for affection.

He trudged down the corridor, buttoning his shirt up as he went. His backside stung but he swallowed it down, just like he had every single time they’d done this before. It had only been a couple of months, but he felt like he was about to blow his last fuse. Something had to change for him, and soon. The pretense was becoming too real. The idiot Commander had gone and fallen for him, showering him with affection, kind words, and small gifts. Levi fastened the cravat around his neck with a grimace. The piece of cloth had been Erwin’s first sign of courtship, and he had accepted it stupidly, blindly, thinking that there was nothing wrong with toying around with Humanity’s Bravest Commander. He hadn’t taken it off since, wearing it as a sign of Erwin’s claim on his life. It felt like a talisman.

It felt like a collar.

“Yo, Levi!”

He turned around to see Hanji approach him. Out of the entire Survey Corps, Hanji had been the only one who had treated him civilly during his first days onwards. He felt grudging respect for the scientist: at least they tried to understand what they were up against instead of just charging into battle blindly like the rest of them.

“Hanji,” he greeted, giving them a salute. The other soldier simply laughed.

“No need to be so formal. I know what you’ve been doing.” They elbowed Levi between the ribs in a comrade-like way, and Levi resisted the urge to pull away. He didn’t do that well with human contact. Or Titan contact. Any kind of contact. Which was why it was so hard for him not to flinch every time Erwin initiated any kind of touching besides the most basic, carnal kind. Fucking was okay by Levi; everything more tender than that required him to swallow his fear and nasty retorts. “Been seeing Commander Handsome, am I right?”

“As always, Hanji, your intuition is impeccable,” Levi said, attempting to look respective as he pulled away. “Do you want to hear the dirty details?”

He turned on his heel without expecting an answer, only to stop short upon hearing Hanji’s response.

“I’d rather know when you’re going to tell him that you’re playing him.”

Levi turned around, fists clenched. Of course, Hanji was no idiot.

“What are you talking about?” He asked quietly. “We’re in love.”

“You’re good.” The other soldier approached him, wagging their finger at his face with a malicious smirk playing on their face. “You’re good enough to fool the rest of them. Just not me.”

“What do you want me to say?” Levi asked exasperatedly. “I’m sleeping with Erwin for protection. Execute me for treason.”

“Now why would I do that?” Hanji asked reasonably. “I personally think it’s wonderful that the two of you have found each other.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning that you get what you want, and the Commander has never been as happy as he’s been looking these past weeks. Which, considering the fact that he is in constant mortal peril, might not be such a bad idea,” Hanji told him soberly. They stepped up to Levi, getting into his personal space and making him feel decidedly uncomfortable. “As long as he doesn’t find out, he’ll be happy with this. You make him happy, shorty, so you should stick around for as long as possible.”

“So what are you saying? You’re not going to expose my devious evil plan to ensnare the Commander’s poor masochistic heart?” Levi asked. He was feeling more and more tired by the second.

“I am saying that should the Commander ever find out, I will personally stick my blades up the same place the Commander sticks his… scepter,” Hanji replied cheerfully. They patted Levi on the shoulder with a small smirk and then scampered off with a satisfied whistle. Levi followed their retreat with a hopeless feeling settling into the pit of his stomach. If Hanji had figured it out, Mike would probably be next, and he was not as much of an experiment-prone person as Four-Eyes. He would kill Levi on the spot without any explanation.

Still, it felt unexplainably _nice_ to not have to shoulder the burden of his secret alone.

 _I need a shower before I face the music,_ he thought irately. Though he had done his best to clean himself of the evidence of their release, he still felt dirty. Perhaps it was his dormant conscious playing tricks on him. Either way, he would feel better after a long, good wash. He always did.

Except he didn’t.

That night, as Erwin fed him potatoes off his own plate in front of the entire Survey Corps, Levi felt like he was suffocating. The rest of the soldiers brushed it off as normal “couple behavior,” and though he could sense Erwin’s elation at having been accepted, non-verbally, by the rest of the team, he felt nothing but desperation. What if he really did have to keep up the pretense for the rest of his life? What was he doing with it anyway? Either way, both of them would end up in some Titan’s stomach sooner or later, and yet he grasped at straws, attempting to survive in any way possible. By hurting the only man who had been decent to him even back in the Underground. The only man who had seen potential where the rest of them had seen a delinquent.

“You two are so sweet,” Hanji whispered to him over dessert, and Levi suppressed a sigh. He would never be able to get them off his back. Perhaps, this was a way to gain a new ally. A dangerous one, nonetheless: Hanji was masterful with a set of blades, and one word from them would ruin what he had carefully constructed. “I wouldn’t ever believe that you don’t love each other.”

“If you wouldn’t, then Erwin wouldn’t either,” Levi whispered back. “And he won’t.”

“You promised.”

“I did. And I honor my promises.”

“Good on you. Seeing as you don’t seem to honor anything else as long as it gets you where you are.”

That stung, but Levi swallowed it down together with the apple slice Erwin placed on his plate, blue eyes shining. He knew that look: the Commander would casually request his presence in his personal quarters soon. The same thing happened every time they had the opportunity to take time off from missions. Levi’s cot was barely slept in, and the soldiers were well aware of what was happening. It was better this way.

“Levi, come see me in my quarters after dinner.” Erwin’s voice close to his ear sent shivers down Levi’s spine and he nodded numbly.

Just another night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter :) Thank you for your lovely reviews on both this one and The Royal Decree. I hope I can measure up!

“Levi, Titan coming in from the right! Take care of it! The rest of you, go on!”

“Got it!!” Levi yelled back to his squad, and a chorus of _yes, sir!_ seemed to resonate deep in his chest as he went on. He pulled on the reigns to get his horse to gallop sideways, towards the immanent danger that threatened to destroy the formation. They had allowed the thing deep enough, if they didn’t stop it now, there was going to be blood. As he put more and more distance between the squad and himself, he felt a strange sense of serenity settle over him: he was finally on his own. It was just him and the Titan now, and he had more confidence in interacting with those things than he had with most human beings. Without a backward glance, he galloped on close enough to see the thing’s ugly face and unlikely gait – of course, they would send him to take care of the Abnormal. He got closer and closer, and as he was about to switch to Maneuver Gear, he spotted another squad approaching the thing from the rear. A flash of blond hair told him everything he needed to know about the suicidal maniac in charge of that particular team.

 _Not today, Erwin. This one’s mine._ The only time he felt truly free was when he killed things, and he would not allow anyone to interfere with that. This was his moment, he deserved to carve up that motherfucker because that was the only way he could release the anger that had been threatening to bubble over for weeks now. Ever since Hanji’s little revelation, he had felt slightly relieved; nevertheless, he had avoided any kind of contact with the squad leader, just in case they decided to pry more. Hanji was a scientist, and scientists adored probing their subjects around.

“Stay back!” He yelled, not knowing whether the approaching team was even able to hear him. He felt the initial jerk of the gear and then he was soaring through the air, his grapplings settled firmly in the skin of the monster. The Titan didn’t even notice him before he got right into its face. With an expert move that nobody had ever taught him in training, Levi swung around the thing’s neck and pierced the tender flesh at the back with his two blades. In one swift movement, the flesh was removed, and he felt the Titan’s knees buckle beneath him. That was his cue to jump off, and he landed hard on the grass beneath him as the already deteriorating corpse crashed to the ground just in time for Erwin’s squad to arrive at the scene.

“Good job,” Erwin told him, slightly breathless, and Levi resisted the urge to sneer. That was the exact same thing Erwin had told him when they had finished fucking that very morning. It had sounded condescending to Levi’s ears, whatever the blond’s intention had been. _Good job fucking you to stay alive, huh?_ He had asked himself silently back then, and this time around, he proceeded to spit out blood and gore instead of retaliating. “Where’s your horse?”

 _Fuck._ Levi looked around, attempting to spot the young stallion the Survey Corps had given him, and realized that the bloody animal had opted to run away instead of waiting for him. Wonderful.

“Lost it. No matter, I’ll signal for a backup.” _Please don’t say what I know you’re going to say._

“Ride with me, Levi. You’re small enough to fit,” Erwin replied, a genuine smile playing on his lips. Levi was pretty sure that he heard a tiny ‘aw’ escape the only female member of Erwin’s team, or at least, he thought he did, given that the sound of his own grinding his teeth together blocked out everything else. He was in no position to argue, of course, not only because he lacked a horse, but also because he was Erwin’s junior in the military. Which meant that outside of the bedroom he had to exercise obedience.

“Fine. Scoot over.” He sighed, climbing onto Erwin’s horse while pointedly ignoring the man’s proffered hand. The Squad Leader only gave him an amused smile before tugging on the reigns. Levi decided it was best not to look at the rest of the squad, keeping his eyes fixed on the back of Erwin’s neck. If the man had been a Titan, it would have been so easy, so _permissible_ to just cut through the flesh there. But Levi knew that this would only remain a fantasy for him – he needed Erwin much more than Erwin ever needed him, at least from the practical point of view.

It was true that the older man had fallen for him, and Levi appreciated the extra mile that the Commander was going in his little plot, though it had been quite unnecessary for him to do so when Levi had begun. The truth was that Levi had accepted Erwin’s invitation into the Survey Corps for two reasons: one, the would-be Commander’s threat to hand him over to the Military Police if he had chosen to decline and two, more importantly, the fact that Kenny Ackerman had been hot on his heels, with the promise of a slow and painful death for him plus anybody he associated with. Kenny Ackerman was a resourceful son of a bitch, the kind of man one wouldn’t want to cross – and Levi had. As soon as he had been grown enough to handle himself, he had left Kenny’s service and had begun to fight tooth and nail against the regime that the criminal had declared all over the Underground. Even though Levi had amassed many supporters, he had not had what Kenny had available in spades – corrupt officials from aboveground following him around like lost little puppies and owing him favors. So as soon as Levi had defied, scores of Military Police serviceman had started to enter the Underground on a regular basis in an attempt to hunt him down and hand him over to justice – whether that would be Kenny himself, or he would see Levi executed by the hands of the official government, the young criminal had not been too eager to find out. So when he had seen the chance of freedom, and, what is more, a chance to live over ground, he had grasped it with both hands.

The death threats had started as soon as Isabel and Farlan were dead, when Levi had been at his most vulnerable. He had begun to see Military Policemen everywhere, all of their eyes fixed on him as if he were a particularly delicious kind of prey. It was obvious that he had a bounty placed on his head, and the only person who was able to give him the kind of protection that was necessary was the Commander of the Survey Corps. Luckily or not, depending on what mood he was in whenever he contemplated the issue, the previous Commander had perished in battle just a week later, making way for Erwin to take his place. Levi had already noticed the blond’s eyes on him, and he had decided that this way he would be killing two proverbial birds with one stone.

And here they were, over a year later, riding one single horse together into battle, their companions’ faces twisting into smirks whenever the road hit a bump and Levi was forced to shift closer to his Commander. Levi suppressed the urge to sneer back – ironically enough; the soldiers around him were deadlier than the Titans they were fighting, considering how protective they were of Erwin. In all honesty, the Survey Corps was a very tight-knit group of people, which meant that they vowed to look out for their own, even if they didn’t get along too well. Levi had never witnessed such dedication and trust in any of the other military branches – the MP’s were just money-hungry whores, and the Garrison, as friendly as they were, worried more about the safety of their own families than the lives of their fellow guards. Here, everything was different, mostly due to the fact that very few Survey Corps soldiers held attachments to anyone outside of the regiment. It was easier to get involved with everyone here than inside the Walls, as each soldier knew the stakes. No wives to deal with, no children to care for also meant that soldiers were expendable, that they could throw themselves into battle without a second thought; they had nothing to live for, yet they had everything to die for. That was a revelation Levi had had the moment Isabel’s dead eyes had met his. It didn’t ring true for him – Erwin himself had given him a reason to go on: revenge. Levi didn’t particularly try to stay alive, but he promised himself every time he swung his blades that he would go out swinging, not stabbed in the back by a fellow soldier or shot by a firing squad. He wanted to take down as many damn Titans with him as he could.

The steady beat of the horse’s hooves beneath him and the surprisingly comforting warmth of Erwin’s broad back in the front lulled Levi into a false sense of security. Of course, his reverie just had to be broken by an oncoming horde of Titans, and the next thing he knew, Erwin had his arm around him, pushing him down onto the ground.

“Switch to maneuvering!” The man yelled and Levi pulled a face: _did he have to be so damn loud?_ Nevertheless, the dark-haired soldier never got to complain about it, as his instincts jumped into action, making him shoot out a grapple and attach himself to the nearest tall tree. His vision swam as he sped towards the uppermost tree branch, but he could still see Erwin’s blond head flash out of the corner of his eye before he regained his footing.

It was a massacre. They had ridden right into the center of the formation, and soldiers were being eaten left and right by what must have been no less than thirty Titans, at least five of which looked _off_ , Abnormal. Levi gritted his teeth and flung himself into battle. From time to time, he would catch a glimpse of the soldiers he knew, upper-ranking officers fighting alongside their squads. The Commander was a very hands-on man too, and Levi heard his orders screamed and carried by the find as he hacked away at neck after neck, jumping from Titan to Titan without as much as a pause.

Soon enough, the battle was over, with major losses on both sides. Levi supposed they could call it a marginal victory, as the Titans were dead. All of them.

There were twenty human survivors, out of two hundred.

They rode back in silence, and he found himself wishing that he _had_ fallen in love with Erwin for real, that he would have been able to muster up the strength to attempt comforting the older man whose back was as rigid as stone as they returned to their headquarters. Deathly silence followed them, and Levi could barely take it – where was the merry banter of the men he had trained with? He had just heard it this very morning. Now, he would never hear it again.

He felt Erwin’s back shudder beneath his touch and he suddenly felt very, very _sorry_ for the Commander – a feeling he knew that Erwin would resent. Nevertheless, he stayed silent. Erwin thought that Levi loved him, Erwin expected comforting words and embraces. Levi knew that he did not deserve the privilege. So he kept quiet and still as they approached the castle, wishing that he had died together with his squad.

That night, as Erwin pressed his face against the windowpane of his private quarters and fucked him hard and painful, he was completely justified, Levi thought. As soon as they were done, Erwin pulled out and spun Levi around to devour his lips with an undignified, sloppy kiss. Levi gave in. He owed Erwin that much. As they parted, Erwin gave him one long look before informing him that he had been made Squad Leader and Corporal of the Survey Corps. Part of Levi wanted to rejoice. The rest of him wanted to confess. Either way, he was royally fucked.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter, written up on my flight from Kyiv to Madrid :) Thank you all for your lovely comments and kudos, you guys are the best!

Resentment. After having spent many days thinking about what he really felt for Erwin Smith, Levi came up with the perfect word for the sensation. Resentment. Not only because of the man’s seeming self-righteousness and frankly ridiculous sense of justice, but also because Erwin Smith was the epitome of everything Levi wasn’t – and could never be. The realization came as they were lounging around in Erwin’s quarters one day, exhausted after yet another round of intense lovemaking (Erwin’s term, not Levi’s), and the Commander had suddenly decided to _share_. Those were the times when Levi felt most uncomfortable – the way the usually private man opened up to him served as a grim reminder of how this little affair of his would end, with tears and blood. Levi just hoped that blood would come first.

“I never thought I’d find someone to keep me company,” was Erwin’s conversation starter, and Levi tensed up immediately. He rolled over onto his stomach, unselfconscious of his own nakedness, and looked sideways at the blond Commander who was lying on his back with one arm serving as a makeshift pillow for his head. The sheets covered his nether regions teasingly, and for a moment Levi felt incredibly selfish for depriving the rest of the world of the possibility of enjoying this body. As irritating as he was, Erwin Smith was built for worship: pale skin and sharp ridges of strong muscles covered every single inch of his body, along with old and new scars which on a different man would make him look ragged. For Erwin, though, they added some sort of allure, they were yet another piece to the puzzle that the Commander presented. As much as Levi hated him, he was also, quite ironically, the only person in the world who knew what Erwin looked like when he relaxed. And Levi hated him even more like this: Erwin Smith was not supposed to be vulnerable. Otherwise what was the point of Levi even doing this?

“Where? In the Survey Corps?” The Corporal asked, attempting to appear at least a tiny bit interested. He had found that Erwin could be quite talkative when he was up for conversation. That irritated him just as much as the Commander’s vulnerability.

“No, in life,” Erwin replied with a sigh. He looked up at the ceiling, and Levi found himself counting the shades of blue in his irises. Scientific interest only, of course. Maybe not, but a blind man could see that Erwin Smith was one attractive motherfucker. “I was lonely as a child, too.”

_Here we go again._

“I was raised with a professor for a father and a military Captain as a mother. He was always out teaching kids and she was never… around much.”

“Didn’t you have friends?”

“The kids didn’t want to associate with their teacher’s son. Just in case I ratted them out when they did something bad, I suppose.”

“And did you?”

“Rat them out? Not really. Only when I felt like it would serve a just purpose.”

“So always.”

“Pretty much,” Erwin said with a chuckle. He glanced at Levi and the Corporal looked away hurriedly, in an attempt to avoid eye contact. He buried his face in his hands and rolled over onto his back as well, counting the cracks in Erwin’s ceiling. “What about you?”

“Hm?”

“Did you ever think you’d find someone like… like me?” Even without seeing it, Levi knew that the Commander’s eyes had turned an annoyingly bright shade of blue. He didn’t appreciate this one single bit. Sex was fine. Talking was problematic. Talking about himself and sharing the experiences of his youth with Erwin was unthinkable. And yet, there he was, lying in the man’s bed and preparing to bare his soul to the smallest minimum possible.

“Definitely not someone like you,” he replied honestly. He had never thought he’d find a sugar daddy in the military, that much was sure. “I didn’t date much back in the Underground.”

“Few options?”

“Disease, mostly. Crime. Plus, it was like working in a pastry shop. After a couple of months, you start hating the buns,” Levi said quietly. They hadn’t talked much about his past, as Erwin had made it a point to respect some of his privacy. But, as they had been doing this for quite some time now, he supposed it was natural that the Commander would start growing curious.

“And did you… have many buns?” Erwin asked quietly. Levi gave him a derisive snort.

“More or less five to six every day, for almost a decade.”

“I can’t understand that.” Erwin turned his eyes back to the ceiling.

“Understand what? How paid sex works?” Levi asked sharply. He was not proud of what he had done to survive in the Underground, but he sure as hell as not going to take any of Erwin’s well-bred bullshit. He had done what he had needed to do. If not whoring, he would have stolen, and if not that, he would have killed. Levi was a natural-born survivor, and he was not above taking unfavorable jobs and doing despicable things in order to keep breathing for a second longer. That was, perhaps, their biggest difference: Erwin had always had everything he wanted, from books to food to clothing; and he was prepared to throw it all away, his entire life, away, for a common good. Levi, on the other hand, had always had zero to his name, nothing at all but his own life, and he was clinging on to that desperately.

“I understand that. But I don’t think I could ever grasp the concept of sleeping with someone without feeling anything for them.”

_Fuck you and your words, Erwin Smith._

“I felt plenty,” the Corporal replied. “Anger, disgust, rage, pity. There are many emotions that can be turned into passion if you know how to block out the rest.”

Erwin gave him an unreadable look. “You make it sound so easy.”

“I did what I had to. I don’t expect a pampered little brat from Sina to understand,” Levi said bluntly. To his credit, Erwin did not look hurt at all by the comment, merely sad. There was pity in his eyes, a kind of sympathy that came only from those who could not relate at all. Levi despised it.

“It sounds like you were disappointed in love.”

“It sounds like you were always a romantic.”

“A romantic, yes, but a pessimistic one,” Erwin said, his eyes straying to the narrow line of Levi’s waist, half-hidden underneath the sheets they shared. “I wanted to fall in love. I just never thought I would. I knew form the beginning of my conscious life that I would become part of the Survey Corps, like my mother had been. My father encouraged it. I _wanted_ to be in the military. But with that came… several drawbacks, in terms of my personal life.”

The Commander rolled onto his side, looking down at Levi who squirmed uncomfortably under the man’s blue-eyed scrutiny. He didn’t even know what he was still doing here. He should have gone the minute they had finished having sex, but he had dallied, too lazy to move – as well spoken as he was outside of the bedroom, the good Commander was an animal between the sheets, and even someone with Levi’s degree of stamina needed some rest after what had been a straight hour of nonstop copulation. Levi had lost count how many times he had come, and that was the one bonus to this ploy of his that he was adamant on enjoying. Though he was a fucking idiot, Commander Erwin Smith was also capable of rendering his black-haired lover absolutely boneless.

“But I’m glad that sort of anxiety is over,” Erwin said plainly, his eyes never leaving Levi’s.

“What do you mean?” _Please don’t say it._

“I found you.” _Thank Sina, I thought you were about to–,_

“I love you, Levi.”

 _Fuck me gently with a Titan’s thumb._ Levi didn’t want to hear this. He _couldn’t_ hear this. But he couldn’t exactly shoot up from Erwin’s bed and make a quick excuse after a declaration like this. Of course, Erwin had said it before, as a passing goodbye, or at the height of his release, but this was the first time that he had declared it so openly. That, added to the topic of their previous conversation, left Levi in a cinch. He hated lying, and yet there he was, the biggest liar in the world, trapped beneath the very person he was deceiving.

_I hate you so much._

“I…” He began, licking his dry lips. “I don’t think–,”

“I know, I know. You have your demons. I understand that. You don’t have to say it,” Erwin said kindly, and Levi let out a sigh of relief until he heard the next thing the Commander said that made his heart almost stop in its tracks. “I know you love me too.”

Levi’s eyes widened comically.

“Am I… that obvious?” He asked, mentally stringing Erwin up by his Maneuver Gear for being such a fucking naïve dunce.

“It’s the way you act around me, mostly. You get less… tense, I suppose. I appreciate that, you know. You don’t seem like the type of person who relaxes easily,” the Commander told him. Levi took a moment to contemplate his words. That much was true: he did feel slightly more at ease when he was with Erwin, if only because the Commander was his only true protector in the Survey Corps. Whenever Levi was out in the castle grounds alone, he could feel the eyes of his fellow soldiers following him, along with sneers and whispered insults that they thought he couldn’t hear. Or maybe they didn’t care if he heard, as long as the Commander was blissfully unaware of how much they disliked the newly appointed Corporal Levi from the Underground of Sina.

“Well, I suppose you’re right,” Levi said in response. He decided that he would neither confirm nor deny Erwin’s assumptions, as that saved him from spouting one lie more. One more in the string of many, his conscious nagged, but he stifled it down with the promise of safety and luxury. Though Erwin was decidedly more modest than the rest of the military Commanders out there, his quarters were still the biggest and warmest in the entire castle. His sheets were softer, and his food was cooked separately from that of the rest of the soldiers; however, he took his meals in the canteen in order to _promote unity_ , or whatever the fuck his motive was. Now that Levi was with him, sometimes these perks would trickle down onto him. His back was certainly feeling much better then when he had slept in the barracks with the rest of the soldiers. Though he had his own rooms now, he hardly ever used them, dropping by to either clean or work on reports. Most of the nights, he was in Erwin’s quarters, attempting to satisfy the man’s insatiable hunger for his body.

That was another thing that Levi didn’t get: why _him_? Sure, he was a genius in bed, but Erwin’s interest in him had started long before the two of them had ended up soiling the sheets. Whenever they fucked, the Commander would pause at a certain moment, his hand reaching to slide over Levi’s cheek and up to his sweaty forehead, and in the softest voice imaginable, the Commander would call him _beautiful_. Levi had balked at the word at first, but now he was simply curious. Why _him_? He was short, constantly tired-looking, and though he had a nice ass, his legs were too short. He looked like a bloody child sometimes; a child with a face that had seen too much death and devastation.

“Erwin?” He ventured.

“Yes?” The Commander asked, one of his hands sliding up Levi’s chest gently. Levi knew what that meant: the man was ready to go again. Levi considered it for a moment before deciding that a good fuck was what he needed to take his mind of Erwin’s latest revelation.

“Do you think I’m good-looking?” He asked quietly, cursing himself for sounding like such a bloody submissive. Erwin’s eyes widened momentarily before he chuckled.

“I don’t.”

“Oh.” _So much for diplomacy, Commander._

“I think you’re beautiful.”

There it was again, that word. _Beautiful_. “How come?”

“Sina, are we really going to discuss why I think I am lucky enough to have nature’s most gorgeous creature in bed with me?” Erwin laughed. Levi gave him a look that indicated that he was not going to let the topic slide. The Commander regarded him for a second before tipping Levi’s chin up with his index finger and studying his face closely.

“You have a beautiful face.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is to me. Beauty is subjective. I think your face is the most extraordinary face I’ve ever seen.”

“Extraordinary doesn’t mean pretty. Just exotic,” Levi mumbled, eyes downcast. He already regretted having asked the question.

“Yours is both. I’ve never seen eyes like yours,” Erwin continued. Levi glanced up at him, thinking that the man in front of him was either hopelessly foolish or simply deranged. “They change color. From grey to blue. I like that. I like your nose, too.”

“My nose? What’s so special about my nose?”

“The way it curls up at the tip just a little bit.”

“So does Nanaba’s.”

“Yes, but Nanaba’s is not as cute as yours.”

“Don’t fucking call me _cute_.”

“That’s another thing I enjoy about you.”

“What’s that?”

“The fact that you don’t see it. You’re humble.” _Yet one more lie._ Levi knew just which assets to use to entice men and women alike. And he purposefully bent over to pick up rags while cleaning more frequently when Erwin was around. “Your body is as beautiful as the rest of you.”

“The rest of me?” Levi repeated, one eyebrow raised. “What more is there to me other than my body?”

“Your spirit.”

“I don’t believe in that–,”

“I know you don’t. Neither do I. I meant your… personality. Your will to live. It’s inspiring.”

 _It will ruin you in the end, Erwin_.

“My cheerful disposition and lovely vocabulary too, no doubt.”

“It’s refreshing, among so many things about you,” Erwin said with a shrug, sliding down the length of Levi’s body to pinch the sheet at his hips between two giant fingers and peel it away, exposing the Corporal’s pale skin. Levi watched as Erwin pressed a kiss to his inner thigh, and he felt his body responding to the Commander’s ministrations. At least he got that out of Erwin, that and protection. It was just the right amount he was due for putting up with such whimsical conversation.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The real birth of Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little post-ACWNR chapter, induced by the feels triggered by the new OVA. I thought you guys deserved a little traumatic flashback to set the mood.

_In this wide open place, there are no walls, no matter how far you go. Here, there might be something to free us from our despair._

_Humanity needs you skill._

Levi’s eyes snapped open, as he started awake, panting. The voice echoed in his ears, stark against the hazy memory of what had once been his life. He shook his head, trying to get rid of the remnants of his nightmare, the same nightmare that had been plaguing him for two weeks now. The two weeks that he had spent doing nothing but sleeping and denying his company to anyone foolish enough to seek it out.

He could still remember the smell of the battlefield; the intricate ornaments that blood smudges painted on his uniform boots. He remembered the taste of the air, ridden with death, and the sound of complete silence, an angry ringing that threatened to drive him insane. The only thing that had broken through that silence had been his own breathing, short, sobbing, desperate. The air had refused to enter his lungs; his throat had felt stuck together with Titan ash and puss. Those memories weren’t the worst thought. The worst was remembering how he had felt at that moment – and still feeling the same way. Lost somewhere halfway between disbelief and agony, he had stood there, head bowed, eyes unseeing as tears clouded his vision. Before that, Levi hadn’t cried – perhaps only as a child; he had never had much to cry over. He had locked it all up, focusing on living for the sake of those who had given him a reason.

And that reason had been taken away, swept from beneath his feet violently, rendering him rigid and unfeeling, save for the raw agony that had threatened to rip him apart.

He had felt like he was drowning, choking on the metallic tang of Farlan and Isabel’s blood that stained his hands. He had been about to go under, about to drive the blades hanging from his fingers limply through his own chest, when _he_ had appeared.

The first reaction had been anger. Then sadness. Then fear. Then anger again. But those had been feelings. Whatever he was, whatever he had done, whatever sins Levi had blamed him for, Erwin Smith had made Levi feel again.

At least for a moment. He had managed to get back to the headquarters under Erwin’s careful watch before breaking down.

That had been two weeks ago. Fourteen long days of staying within the confines of the barracks, curled up in the lower bunk that had once been Farlan’s. The other soldiers had dared not touch him, and only Hanji had braved bringing him a pitcher of water, pressing the glass into his hand and forcing him to drink, his chapped lips breaking against the hard rim. A plate with moldy bread sat on the floor, untouched. The thought of bringing food to his mouth triggered the memory of guts and blood spewing from Titans’ open mouths, making him feel sick. He had thrown up the first time he saw it, and every time his eyes slid to the bits of bread accidentally, he heaved, with nothing in his stomach to come up.

It was just as well that there was nobody in the room with him – the stench of his sick, his unwashed body was overwhelming; not as strong, though, as the smell of his friends’ death. His vision swam with recollections, thoughts; his ears rang, echoing the last time Isabel had called him _brother_. He had failed his family. The only people in the world he had cared about, and he had killed them with his own carelessness, his own plans of revenge on the man who had given him everything before taking away even more.

The door slammed against the wall as it flew open. Levi refused to turn his head, keeping his eyes focused on the cracked wall. He could see the dust bunnies dance over the greyish backdrop it provided, illuminated by the dim light seeping in through the sole window across the room. He considered counting them briefly, before realizing that it made no sense. Very little made sense nowadays.

Gentle hands scooped him up just as he was, curled in on himself, his hands clenched into half-fists. He felt his side press up against a warm chest, and the world shuddered as heavy footfalls carried him across the room. Whoever had come for him said nothing, and Levi was thankful for that. It helped him preserve the memory of his friends’ voices intact, undisturbed by new, unimportant information. Absently, he watched the same slate-grey walls swim across his field of vision, unfocused and fleeting. He felt himself shiver, clothes wet as they had been drenched in his own sweat, a product of the many nightmares he had experienced ever since he had gotten back from seeing the world beyond the walls.

He closed his eyes, tired of seeing new things. He wanted to save the old memories, to burn them into his own eye sockets and keep them there. He wanted to remember the dim light of the Underground, where they had been dirt-poor but alive. They had not been happy in the conventional sense, but they had managed to go by with just each other to sustain the spark of life that had granted them immunity from the poverty, the sickness, the pathetic everyday routine the entire underground town had been immersed in, day after day after day.

His attempts were cut short when he felt himself fall. Freezing cold water invaded his every sense and for a moment, he considered just giving up, letting the cold drown him. But the instinct that had gotten him thus far, the instinct that had kept him alive even as his body had withered away sequestered away in the darkness of the barracks; that very instinct urge his muscles to movement. He kicked. He struggled. His head broke the surface. He inhaled, gasping for air, chest heaving, arms and legs shivering, clothes soaking wet and clinging to his skin.

Blue eyes emerged seemingly out of nowhere.

“So you do want to live.”

Reality suddenly clicked with the finality of a used-up blade being slid into its sheath. He was alive. He was breathing. He was making new memories, right this very moment. And he was freezing. Levi took a split second to remember how to make his voice box work again, scratchy and unused for days.

“W-what the fuck do you–,”

“The question, Levi, is what do you think you are doing.” Grey eyes focused on the man’s tall figure, clad in the unforgiving armor that was his uniform, face set in a frown. Erwin kneeled at the edge of what turned out to be a bathtub. A bathtub full of ice-cold water. Just like the rain that had poured down upon him as he had cut away at the monsters that had taken his only family. “What are you playing at?”

Levi found himself looking up at the Squad Leader, lips trembling with cold and weak rage. “W-what-,”

“You joined the Survey Corps to live on the surface. You have seen what many people would be lucky to even glimpse once in their entire lifetime and now you are wasting all of your talent on mourning people who were too _weak_ to–,”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Levi cut the man off angrily, his hands finding purchase on the edge of the bathtub as he pulled himself up with shaking arms. His eyes met Erwin’s, and he could swear that at that moment, he wanted to _kill_ the man so badly, he had never wanted to do something so much before. “Don’t you dare talk about them like they didn’t matter.”

“They mattered to you. They didn’t matter to me,” Erwin responded coldly. He threaded his fingers in Levi’s wet hair and pulled painfully, dragging the younger man out of the bathtub, over the edge and onto the cold tiled floor before letting go, as if he were disgusted with the very thought of touching something as repulsive as him. Levi shivered violently, sprawled over the tiles, fists clenched at his sides. He managed to look up at Erwin again, taken aback by how thunderous the man looked. As though Levi had personally offended him, stripping away his dignity, his reputation, everything. “I only took them along because I wanted you on the Survey Corps. I don’t give a damn about what your friends thought they were. They were too weak. And now you are about to follow in their path.”

“Then let me, if I am so useless!” Levi yelled helplessly, his arms winding around Erwin’s ankles. The blond’s lip curled in disgust and he kicked the dark haired man painfully, knocking the breath out of his weakened lungs. “Let me fucking die, you piece of shit!”

“You don’t deserve the easy way out. You don’t deserve to die a hero in the minds of those whom you’ve managed to charm. Oh yes, Levi, didn’t you know?” Erwin questioned as Levi’s eyes widened. “The entire mission looked up to you, they had _hopes_ resting on you and how do you repay their investment? By shriveling away like a leaf and being miserable even as the entire military thinks you’re some kind of prodigy?”

“You thought I was some kind of prodigy,” Levi choked out, coughing violently. He tried to get up but the heavy, soaked clothing refused to let him go, his entire body being held down by a seemingly monumental weight. “You thought I had some sort of talent, not me! I never wanted them to see me as a hero, all I wanted–,”

“Was to kill me!”

Grey eyes widened, watching Erwin’s heaving chest as the blond panted above him, red-faced. With a sigh, the blond dropped back to his knees, wrapping a towel around Levi’s sopping shoulders. The younger man latched onto the towel, clinging to it as he attempted to absorb as much warmth as he could manage.

“I never expected you to be such an inspiration,” the blond said quietly. “I never thought that you would become a household name around here. I hoped you would. And you didn’t disappoint me. Until now.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because I want you to live.”

“Why?”

“Consider it an old man’s caprice,” Erwin said quietly. He stood, pulling Levi up by his arms. The dark-haired man leaned heavily against his side, shivering violently. “We need to get you out of these clothes and into something warm. Can’t risk pneumonia when there are other, more exciting things vying to kill you out there.”

That was how Levi found himself sitting on Erwin’s bed, wrapped up in a multitude of blankets. The blond pressed a cup of fine smelling steaming liquid into his hands and Levi nearly dropped it.

“Hot.”

“It’s tea.”

“Tea?” Levi repeated, looking down at the beverage. He had never smelled anything like it before, so he bent down and gave it an experimental sip. It burned, but the taste was… he was sold on the tea. His knuckled tightened. He was just a whore again, giving in to Erwin’s warmth and care and fucking _tea_. Nothing had changed. He looked up at the blond Squad Leader questioningly.

“You’re not going to stay in your room and stink it up just because you feel miserable. We all feel miserable. We all have to make choices that we regret,” Erwin said quietly, sitting down onto the bed next to him. Levi tensed up. “I am not in a position to judge how you lived before you came here. I don’t know, and I’m not sure that I want to know. All I understand is that you are grieving. But this has to stop. You have bigger responsibilities now.”

“I don’t want them.”

“Too bad.”

“What do you have to gain from doing this?” Levi asked quietly, staring back down at the cup in his hands.

“Simple. You.”

“Why would you want me?” Levi knew that the whole _inspiration_ bullshit was not true. He had seen how the rest of the Survey Corps had looked at him and his friends, as though they were the lowest life form that could have been scraped off a Titan’s heel. What was Erwin’s agenda? Why would he want to keep Levi around, when he was so broken, so fucking incapable and useless of doing something as simple as ensuring the safety of the people he had cared most about in the entire world?

“You are talented. You are strong.”

“I am not strong.”

“You are not the strongest. But you will be.”

“Why?”

“Because you owe me. And because the Titans owe you something. Your freedom. Your revenge. You can get all of that, and boost morale in the Survey Corps. It’s a win-win.”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” Levi said stubbornly. “Why do _you_ want me?”

Erwin took a moment before answering. Then, a single index finger sneaked its way under Levi’s chin, tilting his head up so that he was facing the Squad Leader’s blue eyes. “Because I want you.”

Levi said nothing, just watching the light dance over Erwin’s face. He weighed his options. It was either go off himself by jumping off a tower – if Erwin would even allow him to get this far – or starve himself until he got force-fed by the man’s cronies. It was either run away, back to the Underground, to spend the rest of his days mourning the life he would never have now with the people he had lost, or stay here, with bathtubs and tea and Erwin Smith. With protection.

His eyes widened. As long as he was by Erwin’s side, he was safe. As long as Erwin vouched for him, nobody in the military would dare touch him. He would be able to get his revenge on the Titans without worrying about sabotage. He would be able to go outside the Walls and kill as many as he could until he heaved his final breath. If only he stayed with Erwin. If only he gave Erwin what he wanted.

His lips found Erwin’s, the empty teacup crashing to the floor.

It was an easy choice.

_I will never regret the choice I made._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please comment or stop by my tumblr to say hi! http://hellofaheichou.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter, guys. I know, two in a week! But I got this bunny in my head and I just couldn't not write it. All the mistakes are mine, obviously.

“Fuck!”

Levi collapsed onto Erwin’s chest, panting. Almost immediately, he removed himself from the man’s prying arms, choosing instead to stride towards the bathroom to clean himself up. Erwin sat up, slightly dazed from their intense lovemaking – made so by the intense need to let out the frustration over a recent mission. Levi didn’t cast him a backward glance as he disappeared into the Commander’s private bathroom, aching to remove all traces of what they had just done from his skin.

“Where are you off to?” Erwin called out to him and Levi looked up from the sink at the mirror, an expression of disgust painting itself on his tired features. Why was Erwin so fucking clingy? This side of him had been a surprise to Levi, as the man had often showed himself to be incapable of making any human connections outside of the usual working relationships he had with his subordinates. But with Levi, Erwin was different: tactile, _caring_. Levi despised it. This whole ruse would have been so much easier if the older man were as disconnected in bed as he was out in the field.

The Corporal scrubbed himself clean under the faucet, his grimace schooling back into a neutral expression of mild boredom. He picked up a towel and brought it over to Erwin’s bedside. The Commander’s arms immediately went around his waist and he winced.

“What is it? Are you hurt? I told you that you should have gone to the infirmary–,”

“I’m fine,” Levi said shortly. “There’s no need to overload them with unnecessary work. There are people who are sicker than me there.”

“Yes, but you’re–,”

“I said I’m fine!” The blue eyes took on a hurt glint and Levi cursed inwardly. This was no way to treat the man who was saving his life. With a sigh, he put the towel down and leaned into Erwin’s touch. The arms around him tightened momentarily, and Levi closed his eyes, trying to keep himself in check. “Sorry. Rough week.”

“Rough month, even,” Erwin chuckled flatly. The Corporal leaned against his shoulder and tentatively made himself hug the man back. What was it with Erwin and touching? He wondered. Levi had never been one for unnecessary touches – not that the Underground had offered a lot of opportunities, at least for those of affection. “It will just get harder.”

“I bet,” Levi replied, his voice muffled by the sweaty skin of Erwin’s shoulder. He pulled away as soon as he felt the blond’s hold slacken, and thrust the towel at the man. “Here. Clean yourself up. My come is crusting on you.”

“Ever the romantic, Levi.”

The Corporal ignored the stab he felt in his chest when he heard Erwin’s say his name like that. A breathless laugh. He hated breathless laughs. Especially when they took on the form of the Commander’s affections. It was really remarkable how every single thing that Erwin did tended to irritate him.

“What can I say? I learned from the best,” he replied icily, turning to get his clothes from the heap they were lying in across the room. Erwin’s fingers wrapped around his wrist and he turned to shoot the man a glare. “What? Haven’t you had enough… touching?”

“Something tells me you need some more,” the Commander said in a bad attempt at flirting. Levi rolled his eyes in response.

“I need to get back to my paperwork.”

“Well, luckily, you are sleeping with the man who _assigns_ your paperwork. This means that I can _reassign_ it to someone else if it means that you will stay the night instead of running back to your quarters the second we are done,” Erwin replied with a small smile that meant to charm Levi but in reality just made him squirm uncomfortably. He hated this, the guilt that had come in a sudden onset; before, he had never even given sleeping with someone for benefits a second thought. Suddenly, Erwin’s eyes looked ridiculously blue, and Levi was feeling like the biggest piece of shit to walk the earth, Titans and Nile Dok included. 

“I’d rather not. I still need to look like I’m doing something besides killing Titans and fucking you,” Levi responded crudely. Erwin’s eyes narrowed but he didn’t respond, choosing instead to shrug and sigh before lying back down.

“Suit yourself. I do expect you to come back here tonight.”

“Don’t hold your breath.”

“You’re cold, Levi. I don’t like it.” Erwin’s voice took on an edge that made Levi feel even more uncomfortable. He had to play his cards right, lest he wanted to lose Erwin, along with his protection. He had to get promoted before he did that, at least. Just high enough to make himself significant enough so that the Military would stop considering him an enemy of the people.

“Sorry,” he sighed. “It’s been tough, all right? I don’t know how you can just lie there and not think about the people we’ve lost in the mission.”

“What’s the point?” Erwin questioned, his voice softening. Levi felt like his blue eyes were able to reach all the way into his chest and see the rotten heart that sat within it. “They’re dead. Gone. They chose to give up their lives for the cause.”

“Don’t you feel any remorse at all?” Levi asked quietly. He definitely remembered the way his lungs had seemed to collapse in on themselves in the first weeks after he had lost Isabel and Farlan. He searched Erwin’s face for anything but frozen neutrality. He realized at that moment that he had been lucky, in a sense, to have had someone like that. He had been attached. Better to have loved and lost, right? He wondered briefly whether Erwin had ever felt that way about anyone. Besides himself. Great, he had just succeeded at making himself feel even shittier.

“Remorse doesn’t save lives. We cannot win if we don’t give up the part of ourselves that regrets making difficult decisions.”

“And you think that you will be able to make such decisions?” Levi questioned. “That you can give up anything, any _one_ , if push comes to shove?”

“I am quite sure of that.”

“Even me?”

Levi knew it was a low blow, but this was the golden opportunity for him to find out just how deep Erwin’s attachment ran. The blond’s eyes widened momentarily before he chuckled. “I’m convinced that I will never have to. Your thirst for life is stronger than any Titan out there.”

“But say you had to? Say, it was either me or the cause?” Levi pressed on. Erwin pursed his lips silently, really contemplating the question. A moment passed between them and the Corporal was about to give up when-

“If it was you or the cause… I’d have to pick the cause.”

“Oh.”

 _Oh._ Was that what Levi had expected? _Had_ he expected anything? This was Erwin Smith, the Commander of the Survey Corps, who spouted bullshit about humanity’s longevity, about winning and beating the Titans once and for all, the man who came up with more ingenious ways of putting his own life on the line and that of his soldiers. Levi really shouldn’t have thought anything different – but a part of him felt stung. Which didn’t even make sense. None of this made sense.

“I… I think I would appreciate that. In death. Theoretically,” he said quietly, and Erwin heaved another gigantic sigh.

“The perils of my job are such that-,”

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” Levi cut him off. “A man of your position has to know his priorities. I respect that.”

This much was true. If there was something that Levi admired about Erwin Smith, it was the man’s ability to keep his cool in the most drastic of times. Erwin Smith was perhaps slightly more self-sacrificial than the average person, and was more detached from his human emotions than the rest of those who lived within the Walls, in fear of yet another Titan attack; but that was exactly why Erwin was at the vanguard of Titan exploration, instead of the pathetic sods who led their cushy lives in the Inner Wall, never having even seen a Titan in their entire life. Erwin didn’t do fear. He made decisions based on the best outcome for everyone; which, in turn, meant that there was no room in the process for personal feelings.

Levi just hoped that if he were to die, it would be at the hand of the Commander.

Erwin got off the bed, completely unashamed of his nakedness, and strode toward Levi. The Corporal couldn’t help but admire the hard lines of the man’s body – after all, Erwin Smith was not completely disgusting to look at. He was quite the catch, as the fawning women at Sina parties seemed to favor him above any other Military Commander. It made Levi morbidly gleeful at times, the fact that he was the only one who knew exactly what made Erwin’s muscles seize up in ecstasy. He had made it a scientific process for himself; to get to know Erwin’s body well, in order to learn just what made him tick. This was the key to Levi’s success, it has always been, even back in the Underground:  he had always been a very attentive, client-oriented whore. That was what had made the men back there return time and time again, offering money and jewels, and even tickets to aboveground, all of which, of course, had just been dire promises. Levi had thrived on the attention, though, just as he did now. Some things never changed.

The Corporal was startled out of his reverie when Erwin’s hand found his. He looked up at the older man, his eyes fixing on the Commander’s collarbone, which was littered with the marks that Levi himself had left there. Marks of ownership. Erwin Smith was his to take and his to use, he had accomplished that much, and he wasn’t going to back down just because the man’s eyes were suddenly bluer.

“You’re so beautiful,” the Commander murmured and Levi cringed inwardly. What the hell was he supposed to say to something like this? How did he go about accepting a compliment gracefully enough? How did he reject it? Did he have to? The norms of propriety aboveground were still somewhat new to him. Here, everything seemed to be said between he lines. Back where he had come from, everyone was blunt. Because the people in the Underground had no time to waste on pretty words and polished lies. Their life expectancy was low enough as it was.

“Thank you,” he finally said, eyes downcast. It was better to play it safe and seem demure and timid with the Commander, even though Erwin knew his real nature. He had seen it when he had first found Levi beneath the pavement of Sina.

Levi felt a finger beneath his chin and looked up, locking his eyes on Erwin’s as the older man studied him closely for what seemed like ages. Finally, a single soft kiss was placed on his lips and Erwin moved away, displaying his muscular back to the dumbfounded Corporal. What was that supposed to have been?

“Well, I guess I should get going. Those papers aren’t going to check themselves,” he said, his voice suddenly hoarse, throat dry and scratchy. “I will see you later.”

That night, when he returned to Erwin’s quarters, tired and worn out after having spent an entire day staring at reports and writing up his own body count, Levi was greeted by an unusual scene. At first, he had thought that he had ended up in the wrong quarters. Erwin’s usually Spartan room had been decorated with thick, white wax candles. Fucking candles. The stench of roses his Levi’s nostrils and he winced. The Commander probably had enough free time on his hands if he was able to take some hours off to do this. Levi walked in tentatively, the soles of his boots padding softly against the hard wooden floorboards. Erwin was nowhere to be found, but a strip of light beneath the bathroom door indicated where the man was. Levi crossed his arms, waiting patiently as he gave the romantic decorations a derisive sneer.

Finally, the door opened and Erwin walked in, clad in nothing but his uniform pants. His eyes widened when he saw Levi, and a soft smile played on his lips.

“You’re early,” he said as he strode forward. Levi raised an eyebrow.

“Couldn’t wait to get back here,” he lied smoothly. “What’s all this?”

“This is… Hanji’s idea. I asked them about the best way to go about this and… I suppose you’re not the candle and rose type, are you?” Erwin frowned, rocking back and forth on his heels. Levi watched the action, a trickle of suspicion blooming in his chest. Was Erwin… nervous?

“Not in the slightest,” he replied. “Now, get naked so we can fuck and go to sleep. I’m exhausted.”

He turned to take off his uniform and fold it up on the shelf that Erwin had given him implicitly since they had begun their affair, almost two years ago. A hand on his shoulder stopped him in his tracks. He felt Erwin’s breath tickle the very top of his head and he tensed up. This was not… comfortable. Something was definitely either very wrong for Erwin, or very wrong for him.

“Wait, Levi.”

“Yes?” He asked breathily. The moment was suddenly very intimate, and not because of the roses or the candles. It was because Erwin’s bare chest was pressed up against his back. It was because for the first time since Levi had known him, Erwin’s voice shook.

“I have to ask you something.”

_Oh no._

“Ask me later, I need to get out of these clothes,” Levi began to protest, but Erwin’s hands on his hips stopped him. He closed his eyes, feeling panic rise in his chest. _Please don’t do this. Please don’t do this. Please. You’re better than this, Erwin. Please._

“I thought about what you said this morning. About understanding why I would put the greater good above my personal happiness.” Erwin paused. The speech sounded rehearsed. This was not good at all. Levi gulped nervously, feeling his own fingers start to tremble finely. _This isn’t happening._

“And I realized that you are the only person who would understand that. And the only person that has ever made me debate it… The only person who would ever make me question this mindset of mine.”

“Got to keep your feet on the ground,” Levi murmured, wishing the floor to open up and swallow him whole, bringing him back to the sewers where he belonged.

“So you are my best chance at coming as close to happiness as I can get.”

“Erwin–,”

“No, let me finish. I’m good at speeches. Let me finish this one.”

Levi found himself being spun around. He froze when Erwin descended onto one knee smoothly. _This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not-_

“I love you, Levi.

Will you marry me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please stop by my Tumblr at [ hellofaheichou](http://hellofaheichou.tumblr.com). Or comment. I don't care, I accept all forms of love.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for the next chapter. I just got a stroke of inspiration at three a.m. and this bunny gripped me tight and raised me from perdition. Enjoy!

This was it. His way out. His way out in _either_ direction, really. He could tell Erwin everything right here and now. He could end this. He could come clean, make the man understand just how much he resented him; break Erwin’s heart and all ties with the Survey Corps. He could go crawling back to the sewers and start from scratch, unless the jilted Commander decided to kill him first. This could be over: going to bed with Erwin, having the man touch him with those murderous hands of his. End the lie that he had started to live out of desperation to stay afloat.

Or he could say yes. Marrying the Commander of the Survey Corps was a sure way to safety. He would never be touched. He would rise above any soldier in the ranks, as Erwin Smith’s spouse. He would not have to watch his back ever again. Unless someone wanted him out of the picture, unless someone wanted to hurt Erwin through him, he would be unbeatable.

Levi stared down at the Commander, his mind suddenly blank. This was a crossroads. He had never been good at picking a path, only walking it. He had never picked his own battles, those were always handed to him. And this was just another one. The choice, just as his decision to stay with Erwin and trust him with his life, was easy.

“Yes.”

Erwin’s blue eyes widened pathetically, and Levi felt an unpleasant jolt in his stomach. He couldn’t look at the man, so he glanced down at the Commander’s nervously wet palm that encased his. He had to get Erwin to look away. So he bent down and kissed him on the lips, not too ravenously, just enough to make it feel sweet and loving, just enough to get Erwin to relax beneath his hold and kiss back with equal softness. He drew back, sparing the man one last glance before his eyes slid shut and he repeated the word that would seal his fate.

“Yes.”

“Yes?” Erwin’s voice was shaking. This was the weakest he’d ever been, probably. The power he held over the man made Levi feel almost light-headed. He was drunk on it. He didn’t want to think about the hangover. He didn’t want to think about the consequences. There was just now. Erwin was handing him the world on a silver platter, and he was accepting it with open arms. It made him feel like shit. But the feeling of power… that feeling was stronger than any bout of conscience that he felt.

“Yes, I will marry you, Erwin.”

“Just like that?” The naïve question almost made him falter.

“Just like that.”

* * *

The next several weeks were spent in hiding. Erwin had allowed Levi at least that: he had agreed that they would not announce the engagement before the annual ball in the capital. This gave them enough time to spend together in their new status. Levi had refused to wear an engagement bracelet, opting instead for seeing Erwin’s choice of jewelry for the firs time during the bonding ceremony. The jewelry that he would sport forever as Erwin’s mark of ownership.

That was the only thing that weighed on his mind – well, actually, _no_ , but this one was the most prominent. Divorce was not legal in the Walls. They were in this forever. Which meant that he could never tell Erwin that his so-called love for the man was nothing but a ruse.

Erwin was ecstatic. The next day after their engagement, the man received very concerned glances from the rest of the Survey Corps as he had become absent-minded. He actually forgot to put on his bolo tie – Levi came bounding after him with it. Erwin bent down to allow Levi to wrap it around his neck, pecking him on the lips affectionately when he was done. This new domestic atmosphere that the man had instilled in his quarters (well, _their_ quarters, Levi supposed) was transferred over to the rest of the regiment. Levi definitely disliked the fact that happiness was making Erwin giddy. Decisions, important ones, were being delayed because the older man was just unable to keep himself from smiling strangely and staring off into space as he sat over his paperwork. It was affecting him in a way that was unacceptable. Erwin Smith was only as good as the Commander of the Survey Corps.

So Levi ignored him. They still had sex, fantastic sex that had been one of the reasons why he had decided to stay with Erwin in the first place. But it was hollow. The release that came from having Erwin pin him to the mattress and have his dirty way with him felt _off_ somehow. Levi would immediately turn away and pretend that he had fallen asleep each time that they were done. After several days, Erwin stopped trying to embrace him as he evened out his breathing, eyes scrunched up shut.

During meetings, they were back to their old selves – the selves that they had displayed before anyone in the Survey Corps had known about their little affair. Erwin had attempted to seat Levi beside him at first, but the younger man had chosen to scoot away, sequestering himself in the farthermost corner of the table, eyes downcast. The one time he looked up, he met Erwin’s soft, hurt gaze, and looked away at once.

Erwin needed to know that he was still a Commander.

After about two weeks of cold-shouldering the man, Levi found himself staring up into the man’s blue eyes, his wrists captive in the Commander’s hold. Erwin’s gaze searched his face frantically.

“Was it too soon?” He asked quietly. Levi looked to the side, making sure that nobody came walking down the dimly lit corridor.  

“No,” he finally replied softly. Erwin’s grasp on his wrists slackened and Levi found himself touching the man’s face affectionately. Erwin needed reassurance, and Levi had probably pushed his limits too far in the past several days. This was not how engaged couples acted. “No, it wasn’t. I’m… I’m sorry.”

“Why? Why have you been so…?”

“I just… People are starting to notice that there’s something different about you. And they might use that against you.” Levi allowed some concern to seep into his voice. He held Erwin’s gaze steadily before heaving a sigh. “You’ve been off your game. You know it.”

“There is not much of a game, Levi,” Erwin told him soberly. “There are no missions planned for–,”

“You don’t understand, do you, Erwin? People are out to get you.”

“You’re paranoid.”

“I am not. I grew up with danger all around me. I know what happens the moment you let go,” Levi told his fiancé. “I just don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

_You really outdid yourself right there, you lying piece of shit._

Erwin’s lips quirked into a smile. “You’re becoming quite the good wife, Levi.”

_Fuck you. Can’t believe I ever felt bad for doing this to you._

“I appreciate that,” the Commander continued, stepping back from the shorter man. “You must understand, though, that this is… slightly out of my depth.”

“It’s out of mine, as well. I never thought I would ever get a chance to…”

_Fool a man into marrying you?_

“… to find someone like you,” he finished lamely. “I don’t want to lose you just because we’re happy.”

_You whore._

Erwin’s lips came crashing onto his, his breath smelling of whiskey and pork chops.

“I’m glad that… for a moment there I thought you were going to say something else. Something that…” The Commander couldn’t find the right words, and Levi cast his gaze downward. He felt like the biggest shit in the universe. “In any case, don’t think that making me happy will kill us all. That’s not right.”

“But you admit that you’ve been a bit… off,” Levi responded quietly. This was perhaps the first honest thing he’d said to the blond in a very long while. “I just… You asked me to marry you because you wanted someone who kept their eyes on the prize. And you… You’re not doing it. I don’t want to stand between you and the greater good of humanity.”

“Understood,” Erwin sighed. “Fine. I will try my best to be the best. For you.”

“For humanity,” Levi corrected, suddenly irritated.

“For humanity,” Erwin repeated softly, eyes wondering over the Corporal’s face. “Just… don’t ignore me anymore. Please.”

“As long as you stop this foolishness. We’re soldiers first. Lovers second.”

That much was true. _Sort of_.

When the ball rolled around, Levi realized that he was completely unprepared. As he tugged on the stifling collar of his parade uniform and glanced at his own exasperated reflection in the mirror, he saw that he was unready. Everything about this was wrong. To use Erwin for his own benefit and have the rest of the soldiers _kind of_ know about their affair had been one thing. A public declaration of their upcoming nuptials (the thought made his stomach churn unpleasantly) was something else entirely. This was becoming a matter of popularity. Soon, Erwin’s desk would be flooded with missives from the capital, probably shaming him for even considering marriage with someone as lowly as Corporal Levi Ackerman. He knew that he was unpopular among the royalty, he was far too blunt, far too rash, and far too dangerous for them to consider him a potential ally.

“Ready?”

He looked up from the mirror to see the Commander standing in the doorway, the white parade jacket draped over his arm. Tall, broad shouldered, and confident. That was Erwin Smith in a nutshell. The dim lighting of their quarters seemed to illuminate his hair in a way that should not have been possible. It looked as though the man was glowing from the inside.

His bolo tie was fixed securely around his neck, and his eyes were set on Levi as the Corporal turned around to face him fully. Strangely enough, with each passing day it was becoming harder and harder to maintain eye contact with the Commander. Levi had at first considered the possibility of his conscience making an appearance, but he wrote it off as just nerves – what if Erwin somehow discovered that everything Levi had ever told him, at least, within the discourse of their relationship, had been a lie? Levi couldn’t risk it.

“You look astonishing.” Erwin’s voice sounded deeper than usual somehow. Levi cocked an eyebrow, composing himself quickly before striding over to the older man and forcing himself upwards to place a chaste kiss on his lips. He found himself caught in the man’s embrace almost at once, and part of him really wanted to scream. Another part of him rejoiced: this was exactly where he had wanted Erwin to end up. Desperately in love with him. It was funny how the Commander was such an open book to him, and only him. It was almost… sweet.

“Rubbish. This uniform is uncomfortable as hell,” the Corporal grumbled in response and Erwin chuckled as he led him out of the room, one hand placed on the small of Levi’s back.

“Makes you look good either way. Although anything makes you look good. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you in this much white, though.”

“Not my color. Too pale.”

“Perfect.”

_You whore._

The thought echoed in his mind when he stood next to Erwin, a glass of champagne clutched tightly in his hold, untouched. He never allowed himself to drink with the Commander, just in case he ever slipped up; even though it took a tremendous amount of alcohol to get him even remotely tipsy. He had to be on his toes all the time.

“May I have your attention, please?” Erwin called out, immediately drawing attention to himself. That was one of the things that Levi admired about the man greatly: he had a presence. He had the ability to command an entire ballroom, hell, an entire military regiment, making them pay attention to every single word he said. Despite the fact that he mostly used this ability when he spewed bullshit about the glory of humanity, Levi still felt like Erwin Smith was able to inspire and spur people on.

Everyone paused in their conversation. Levi could see Hanji’s curious face turn into one of concern, and he knew right then and there that he was in for it now. They would never let it go. Fucking Erwin was definitely higher on their list than marrying him for power’s sake.

“I have an announcement to make,” Erwin continued, his eyes sweeping down to Levi one last time before he took the younger man’s elbow and moved one step forward. “For the past year and then some, Corporal Levi Ackerman and I have been in a relationship.”

Murmurs broke out and Levi really wanted the Underground to come for his soul and swallow him whole. He hated the glares that he received from the belles of the capital, their fathers, who had been planning on pitching their daughters to the Commander. He hated the mutters of discontent among the Military Police, he hated the confused glances they received from the Garrison servicemen.

“Levi had proven to be a faithful ally.”

 _Fuck_.

“… a good friend…”

_No._

“… and a strong companion in battle and outside of it.”

_Fuck me gently with a set of blades._

“… which is why it is only logical of me to announce that I asked him to marry me.”

Chaos reigned but all Levi could hear was his own heartbeat.

“… and he said yes, thus making me the happiest man to tread this earth.”

_Did you have to say it like that?_

“That is all.”

Tentative clinking of wine glasses informed Levi that it was over. The deed was done. Except it wasn’t until Erwin pulled him in for a kiss, mostly innocent, for the sake of the Royal Family who stood in the middle of the floor, looking positively murderous.

 _Then_ it was over.

* * *

He splashed cold water into his face, hunched over the golden sink. Why was this so different from what he had imagined it to be? Why did it feel like he had just signed his own death warrant? Why did it seem to him that in his heart of hearts he was doing something fundamentally wrong?

Perhaps he was.

But it was survival.

“Fancy meeting you here.”

A knife pressed up against his jugular. Frozen, he stood, a firm lithe body pressed up against his back.

“Kenny.”

“Nice to know you still remember me.”

“How could I not? You are the most vile–,”

“Now, now, now. Let’s not point fingers now. Don’t you remember what you’re doing to the poor Commander’s heart?”

“Listen up, sweetheart. I got orders from on high. You dump the Commander or he dies.”

“Why not just kill him?”

“A broken dummy is better than no dummy at all.”

“And if I refuse?”

“Do it before the wedding. You know I don’t fuck around. But you do.”

A pair of cold, disgusting lips pressed up against his temple.

“My little whore snagged a Commander. I’m so proud of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, my darlings! I have been drowning in papers and final concerts for voice and choir, and also drowning in feels over Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood after watching it for the first time. I think you should expect some fanfiction to stem from that experience soon :)

Levi had come face-to-face with a stalemate that was worse than any unexitable situation he had ever been in. As Erwin was slowly easing into the routine of behaving like a dutiful husband-to-be, flaunting Levi at every possible social gathering that required the Commander’s attendance, Levi felt himself sink into a deeper hole with every big name from Sina he was introduced to. The people at those parties were perfectly horrid, and yet, they were people that mattered. And he was becoming more and more entangled with them, coming to understand the side to Erwin’s life that he had never particularly been interested in. And now he was there at Erwin’s side, a fucking socialite. He kept his comments to himself, of course, and chose instead to pull on a smile, faking his way through every tedious evening spent over small talk and champagne. What astounded him was how casually the higher-ups in Sina were able to talk about all the endless sacrifices that the Survey Corps made for the better of humanity while stuffing their faces with the finest pastries and most expensive kinds of meat that he had never thought he would even get to see, let alone taste. Erwin mingled with those people seamlessly, of course; without ever losing his hard edge as the thirteenth Commander of the Survey Corps, of course. Levi was the accessory, Humanity’s Strongest, who had been able to cast off his criminal past and turn his heart towards an endeavor of a lifetime – ridding the people of the Walls form the worst kind of plague possible.

Faking his way through parties was tedious, yes; but it was easy. Levi had always been a charmer when he needed to. He used his reputation to his advantage, choosing to portray himself as the wild mongrel that Erwin had picked up from the Underground and remodeled into the perfect fiancé.

Faking his way through his relationship with Erwin outside of the parties and within the confines of their quarters was becoming harder and harder. The _faking_ part, particularly. The relationship part was becoming scarily real, and it was way outside of his comfort zone. Erwin’s touchy-feely attitude to their personal life was increasing, and Levi found himself responding to his touches in a very unambiguous fashion.

That, grouped together with Kenny’s threat at the engagement party, was driving him insane. What the hell was he supposed to do? Dump Erwin and save his life? Dump Erwin and come clean? Not dump Erwin and live with the fact that he could have prevented the Commander’s untimely demise when Kenny came to confirm his claim to the man’s life? Whichever way he chose, Levi was truly and royally fucked.

Fucking, as usual, was an issue only when it stopped. Levi still rolled out of bed to go clean up every time they had sex, which apparently brought Erwin much chagrin as the big bad Commander apparently wanted to spend time with his fiancé, cuddled up under the blankets, their release drying on his golden skin. Levi attempted to endure it when he felt like he had the energy, but the feeling of uncleanliness overpowered him time and time again. Now, though, he felt more and more like _he_ was the one that was dirty, like he was soiling the Commander’s good name, his bed, his entire life with his presence. He had come to _care_ about Erwin, and that was definitely not a good thing.

Definitely not.

The day of their wedding approached at a pace that was both unforgiving and inevitable. Levi knew that he was going to have to do something, and fast, considering Kenny’s warning. He didn’t want to kill Erwin Smith anymore, he knew that, as the man was useful to both himself and humanity. Erwin was the only one who stood a chance in hell when going to face the Titans and the corrupt government in Sina. He was at a zugzwang here: either let Erwin go and break his heart, recede back into the bowels of the Underground and get slaughtered by those who undoubtedly knew of his entanglement with the Survey Corps and resented him for it; or let the entire thing play out and attempt to save Erwin’s life. For the entire duration of his life.

Either way, he was fucked.

* * *

“You know, they say it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, but I just couldn’t resist taking a peek.”

Levi turned around to look at his Commander, eyes widening at the sight. Erwin looked more staggering than he had on the day they had announced their engagement. He was clad in the parade uniform, white coat and all, decorated with all of his government-issued medals and ribbons that in reality meant nothing. His hair was slicked back in a way Levi had never seen before – probably Hanji’s doing – and his shoes were shined within an inch of their life. His face, though, was the biggest difference from Levi’s past memories of him. He was positively glowing. And Levi felt like compete and utter shit because of that. How could he…? No. He couldn’t.

“I am dressed just the same as you are,” the dark-haired man said stiffly, looking into the mirror at himself. While the parade uniform suited Erwin to perfection, with Levi it just looked awkward. He felt like he was a child wearing his father’s clothing. The parade uniform had been fitted to him – but he had never been fit to wear it. Definitely not in this context.

“But you look beautiful,” Erwin said, leaning in to seal his compliment with a kiss that left Levi wanting so much more. He was completely and utterly screwed, falling hard and fast, and he was only realizing it at the moment when he was supposed to make a life-altering choice. Why the fuck was he so slow?

Levi pulled away from Erwin’s embrace, knowing that he had to stop this before it progressed any further. He put a hand on Erwin’s chest.

“Levi?”

“Erwin, there’s something that I need to say to you.”

And just as he should have expected, the door opened to reveal a smiling Hanji. “We’re ready for you, lovebirds.”

They cast a glance at Levi, making sure that the _lovebirds_ had delivered the right message. For the past weeks, Hanji had been on his back on and off, trying to drive home the notion that if Levi ever did anything to hurt the Commander’s feelings, there would be hell to pay. Levi had weakly gone along with it, laughing it off and even going as far as suggesting that he might have started feeling something for the older man; and that had seemingly satisfied the scientist, even though they still kept a close look on him.

“We’ll be there in a moment,” Erwin promised, turning back towards Levi as Hanji cast them one final playful look before shutting the door. The dark-haired man opened his mouth to continue saying what he desperately had to, before it was too late, but he was immediately silenced by yet another kiss courtesy of his commanding officer. Something inside of Levi snapped and he found himself winding his arms around Erwin’s middle and pulling him closer. This was likely to be either the last or the first of many kisses they would exchange, and he wanted to take this for himself, to be selfish and commit it to memory before it was too late. He felt Erwin’s lips mold against his enthusiastically, and he lost himself just for a little moment. There it was, the _thing_ that Erwin had been telling him about, the feeling that the man had wanted Levi to experience with him. He was finally feeling it.

“Let’s go,” Erwin said as he pulled away from his fiancé. “We can’t keep the guests waiting.”

“Erwin, I still–,”

Levi was silenced by a single finger on his lips.

“Tell me after. If it’s important now, it will be just as important later.”

 _You have no idea_.

“But-,”

“Come on, Levi,” Erwin said as he pulled away, smiling. He strode over to the door before Levi had another chance to utter a word. The door opened and closed and Levi found himself staring at the mirror, horrified. What the fuck was he supposed to do now?

Apparently, punch a mirror.

“Damn you, Erwin Smith.”

* * *

“He’s late.”

“He’ll be here.”

“What if he decided that it’s too much? That I am too much?” Erwin turned to look at Mike who was standing next to him, decked out in his own parade uniform and a frown. It wasn’t like Levi to keep people waiting – particularly when his appearance was central to the event. The entire population of the Walls, it seemed, was there: from pauper to Duke, everyone had come to witness the binding of Commander Erwin Smith and Squad Leader Levi Ackerman. Rumors of their union had been abundant in the past several weeks, especially after the lovey-dovey display at their engagement ceremony. Everyone was intrigued to know just how Levi had done it. How he had managed to turn the seemingly unfeeling Commander of the Survey Corps into an actual human being who was capable of loving another human being. Speculations about their relationship were perpetuated all across the walls, and Erwin had almost taken pleasure in leading the people around by their noses. In reality, to him, it was all very simple: he had fallen in love. He had been made to see that there was something more to him than just fighting man-eating giants. He had been forced to expose a side of himself that had been hidden before; and stayed hidden still, at least to the public eye. If it had been up to him, the wedding ceremony would have been small. He knew that Levi would have preferred that, as the younger man was quite shy despite all the inappropriate remarks he was prone to make.

Erwin loved those remarks, though. He loved everything that made up his fiancé, from the frankly terrible toilet humor to the way he kissed him, the way he held him in bed. He knew that Levi had had a very difficult past, that his entire history was littered with heartbreak. He had known what he was getting into from the very moment they had begun this relationship. And yet, here he was, standing at the altar, with a priest and a bloody government official waiting to license their marriage and make it official. The people were waiting, the Survey Corps in its entirety was on its toes, and Erwin was feeling more nervous than he had ever felt, even before a mission.

But Levi wasn’t there.

“I think I should go check on what’s keeping him,” Hanji said as they broke away from the line. Erwin nodded gratefully, feeling a lump in his throat form. The scientist departed hurriedly, sending more whispers along the two rows of seats that made up the audience. Erwin hoped that whatever was holding Levi back was nerves, or maybe some sort of wardrobe malfunction. There were a zillion things that could go wrong with their parade uniforms, after all.

Then, unbidden, Levi’s words came to his mind. _There’s something I need to say to you._

Eyes wide, the Commander turned towards Mike and the priest.

“I think I should go get him myself,” he said, his voice shaking. He bounded down the aisle, the hall now in uproar over the departure of one groom and the other’s lack of appearance. He ran down the red carpet, threw the door open, and sped as fast as he could to his quarters, _their_ quarters where he knew, Levi was still preparing to marry him. He knew it.

The door made a resounding thud when it collided with the wall as Erwin hurried in. Levi wasn’t there.

Hanji sat on their bed, their head bowed over what looked like a piece of paper.

“Hanji?”

The scientist’s head snapped up, and Erwin swore that he would be forever haunted by the look on their face. With shaking fingers, they handed the paper to him, and he took it, his own hands feeling like they didn’t belong to him.

_Erwin –_

_I’m sorry it had to come to this._

_I never meant to hurt you the way I did._

_I never meant to take it this far._

_You were the only man who ever made me feel worthy of love._

_Please don’t look for me._

_You have a mission._

_Levi._

“Hanji?” Erwin looked up helplessly from the note, feeling his knees give out. His legs hit the ground as he sank down, down, down, further deep into confusion. What did all of this mean? Why was Levi not hear? He stared at the words written on the paper but didn’t grasp their contents.

“Erwin… He’s gone.”

“Hanji?”

“Levi, he’s… he’s gone.”

Erwin looked around his quarters to find that every single trace of Levi had disappeared. The only thing that remained behind was his parade uniform jacket, folded neatly at the foot of the bed.

“He’s gone.”

If they had looked outside the window, they would have seen a small figure climb a horse and cast one final glance at what had once been his home. Except, he had never deserved a home like this in the first place. He had fooled himself into thinking that this would be his new forever.

“Is it done?”

Levi turned to see another rider approach him atop a midnight-black horse. Levi nodded silently.

“Good. Now it’s back to where you belong.”

_I pray that you forgive me one day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please comment and leave kudos, or come check me out on tumblr at http://hellofaheichou.tumblr.com


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kind words and the feels, lovelies! And here is the new chapter for you :) Unbetaed, so mistakes are mine.

****It had been completely and utterly stupid. Levi acknowledged that. He also acknowledged the fact that perhaps, he hadn’t been trying very hard to _not_ get caught. If he were completely honest with himself, the past several months he had spent picking up the pieces in the Underground had been absolute and utter shit. After he had effectively broken Erwin’s heart (or, at least, that was what his dramatic mind told him he had done day after day as he reveled in the guilt of having left the man in limbo at the altar), he had been given no choice but to return to the sewers under the strict supervision of Kenny Ackerman. The man had been nothing if not hospitable, treating the now former Squad Leader to a nice, welcome-home beating, along with a few reminders to stay quiet that manifested in the shape of a couple of new scars and a fractured femur. Since then, Levi had tried to re-establish himself as the man the grunts in the Underground had thought he had been before he had run off with the sweetheart of the Survey Corps. However, he found that it was incredibly difficult to de-convince criminals of his own betrayal; which had ended in him getting chased all around the pits of Sina by the very people who had once feared crossing his path.

Kenny, of course, had kicked him out along with last night’s trash during his first week back, and Levi had been forced to resort to doing petty jobs for small nobles from aboveground, some of which had recognized him, treating him to malicious glances and sly little smirks that made him feel like even less of a human being than he was.

He had been running another one of those petty jobs that were his only source of income these days when the Military Police showed up out of nowhere, apparently having been tipped off by an anonymous source (which, Levi suspected, had a propensity for wearing broad-brimmed hats). Within an hours’ time, after a couple of utterly idiotic mistakes he had committed due to his frankly half-hearted enthusiasm for freedom, he had been shackled and carted off back to aboveground where, he knew, a trial awaited him.

Torture was a given for someone like him in the hands of the Military Police. Soon enough, he realized that it was best to just keep quiet and take it. He didn’t scream like he had on the first day anymore – many of the guards thought that he had lost his voice due to shock. It was easier that way. He could lock himself in his head and distract his mind from the burns and wounds that kept appearing on his skin.

What was the worst thing about being in prison? From Levi’s point of view it was the fact that he was left alone with his own thoughts, giving him enough time and boredom to kick himself over leaving Erwin the way he had done. He had discovered that he actually _had_ a conscience, and apparently it had seen every single deception he had allowed himself with the blond, and was very keen on reminding him of just how much of a shit he was. That conscience was what made him wonder what Erwin had been up to all this time. Whether he had been able to move on. Whether he was still a good Commander. Whether Levi had managed what Kenny had wanted him to do and broken him.

Worse than conscience, though, was the pain in his chest which he would have been glad to write off as a lethal case of pneumonia, but which had turned out to be the feelings he had been unwittingly harboring for Erwin this entire time. The sensation gnawed on his insides, making it difficult to breathe, pressing down on his heart and lungs as if they were made of cotton, crumbling them mercilessly as he remembered every single detail of Erwin’s face. He was glad that he hadn’t been there to see the expression the man had worn upon finding his letter. He was pretty sure that it would have been the ultimate form of masochism to do so.

He didn’t know how much time he had spent cooped up behind bars with only his thoughts and rats for company. He didn’t know what was going on outside of these walls, save for a few stolen rumors that circulated among the prison guards, all of whom were quite ecstatic, as they had captured Levi Ackerman, _asshole Levi Ackerman_ who had given them so much grief in the past. He didn’t know what Erwin was doing, whether he had recovered from having been stood up minutes before they had been scheduled for marriage.

The only thing he knew for sure was that he was still in love with Erwin bloody Smith.

And it hurt like a motherfucker.

* * *

“Commander?”

“Commander?”

“Commander?”

“ _Erwin!_ ”

“Huh?” The blue eyes snapped up from the mound of paperwork the man had buried himself in. His mind was feeling like he had been drinking heavily the night before; the same feeling he had been experiencing ever since his disaster of a wedding. After having a meltdown in his own quarters over the only thing that had been left of Levi – his note and his neatly folded uniform on the edge of the bed – Erwin had forced himself to return to the hall and announce the disappearance of his fiancé. At first, the quests had been told that Levi had been kidnapped, but the story had been rejected almost immediately, leaving the Commander with an embarrassing reputation of a jilted lover.

He didn’t resent Levi for ruining his image as the unruffled Commander of the Survey Corps. He didn’t resent him for leaving. He resented him for having given him the best thing he had ever experienced and then just taking it away cruelly, mercilessly, without any sort of explanation. Now that he thought about it, that was exactly what the rest of the world had expected of Levi – the sympathetic glances that made him feel like he was a child staring at the form of his father being dragged away by the Military Police spoke volumes. The rest of the world had seen this coming. And he, the man who was prone to accounting for every small detail, who was so adamant on having a plan and following it through, the man who had been so proud of foreseeing every unforeseeable thing, had been blind to what had apparently been obvious.

He resented Levi for the fact that every time he walked into his quarters, he expected to see the small form curled up in his bed or sitting on his desk. He resented Levi for the fact that he still kept his room impeccably clean for the sake of preserving a ghostly memory of what could have been. He resented Levi for the touches, the kisses, the words they had shared. He resented Levi for the fact that he was still in love with him.

He didn’t know what Levi was doing now – he had no way of keeping tabs on the younger man, not when he had done his best to never be found again. It was as if the entire world had suddenly turned blind to Levi – nobody had seen him in ages, and Erwin was even inclined to think that he may have suffered from a painful death. He prayed to Sina that his supposition wasn’t true.

“Erwin, you do realize that this isn’t healthy. For any of us. The rest of the soldiers are actually concerned,” Hanji said as they strode into his room, followed by a solemn-looking Mike. Those two had been responsible for Erwin having kept at least a modicum of his sanity over these past few weeks. They had forced him to bathe and shave and come eat in the mess hall, at least. But they were completely unable to prevent him from escaping to the confines of his quarters and overworking himself, as it actually _was_ his job; and even though he was obviously miserable, there was nothing they could do about that – missions had to stay on schedule, recruits had to be trained and sorted out into Squads, and Erwin was the only man capable of doing this even though his heart had been torn to shreds by the man he had considered to be his everything.

“It’s not their job to be concerned for me,” Erwin replied shortly as he rubbed his sand-filled eyes. He wondered briefly about how many nights of sleep he had lost ever since Levi had left him all those months ago. He had passed out in his pile of paperwork more times than he was able to count, and he had accidentally drifted off on his lumpy sofa several times as well; but he couldn’t bring himself to go to sleep in the bed Levi and him had shared. His hand went to touch the puckered cloth of his shirt underneath his bolo tie where the comforting weight of their engagement rings settled on a solid silver chain. He had had half a mind to melt them down into a bullet and making them a permanent fixture in his skull, but he had realized that he would never be able to part with them like that.

“In any case, you need to get out of this room, and I have the perfect opportunity!” Hanji said as they thrust a crumpled letter at Erwin who took it reluctantly.

“What is this?”

“Summons to the capital. You’re inspecting a prison.”

“Wonderful,” Erwin groaned. He would have to face the obnoxious assholes who would definitely not forego the opportunity to remind him of his failed non-marriage. He looked up from the paper and sighed. He supposed there was no helping it: he had to make a public appearance once in a while, or the people in the higher echelon would forever label him a hermit, and deem him a hopeless case. With his reputation already having been thrown down the crapper, he couldn’t afford to lose even more support from the capital. The Survey Corps’ future depended on him being able to wheedle out enough money from the fat cats to sponsor the following missions. Which meant being sociable, as much as it pained him.

“So what does this inspection… entail, exactly?” He asked, not bothering to read the rest of the letter. Hanji perked up at his seemingly having yielded to the coercion. They strode over and leaned against Erwin’s desk.

“Don’t know. They claim to have some new high-security system, so they want to show it off to the rest of the regiments. I think it’s their way of trying to intimidate the military into subordination or something. Kind of like an _or else_ type thing,” they said with a shrug. Erwin buried his face in his hands.

“When?”

“Tomorrow.”

“To-tomorrow?” The Commander stood up, banging his knee on the bottom of his desk painfully. “I should have left hours ago. Hanji, couldn’t you have brought this to me sooner?”

“If I had known you’d be so enthusiastic, I would have come rushing the moment it came in. Three weeks ago,” Hanji replied with a shit-eating grin. Mike stifled a laugh and Erwin felt like he had just been double-crossed by his two most faithful soldiers. Great. He was really losing his touch. Perhaps a day outside of the castle would do him some good.

“Tell the stables to prepare my horse,” he said to Mike and the man nodded, leaving the room with a brief salute by ways of a goodbye. Hanji lingered on the doorstep for a while longer, surveying Erwin critically.

“You look like crap.”

“I feel so loved.”

“You know they’ll be vicious. You should clean up before you go. Show them that we’re not broken.”

“You mean _I_ am not broken.”

“Isn’t that what I said?”

* * *

“And here we have the special containment unit. Top security, not even a rat can slink through these bars. We have the best members of the Military Police guarding this block at all times, in shifts of 3 hours in order to keep them energetic and prepared to prevent any attempts at escape.”

Erwin was already deathly bored by the little tour, and he forced himself to smile a little when he caught the eye of Dot Pixis who was looking decidedly tipsy. The Commander of the Garrison Regiment rolled his eyes at him behind the warden’s back and for a moment, Erwin felt like things were almost back to normal. Just another day out with the pompous fucks in the Military Police. He knew, however, that things were different, and that was evidenced by the looks the MP’s were shooting him and Pixis’ sympathetic pat on the back when they had first greeted each other at the gate. He was being pitied by people who were weaker than him, _times_ weaker, and the notion bruised his ego enough to make him feel like balking.

“We also have an inquiry chamber in case we want to get additional intel from the prisoners–,”

“Intel?” Erwin asked, finally feeling like paying attention. “What would the criminals possibly tell you, Captain?”

The man huffed. “This is where the most dangerous criminals are. And by dangerous, I mean dangerous to the state.”

_So not maniacs or psychotic serial killers._

_Political prisoners._

“It is the Military Police’s job to fish out any plans for a coup, as you very well know,” the Captain continued, giving Erwin a pointed look, as if he’d try anything right now or something. Erwin just raised an eyebrow.

“This inquiry room… I suspect it isn’t just a chair and a table, correct?”

“Absolutely,” the Captain perked up. “State of the art. Would you care for a demonstration?”

“A demonstration?” Erwin repeated, feeling slightly ill. He was not above torture when he had his own goals in mind, but to have some poor bastard – even if they _were_ a criminal in the eyes of Sina – tortured just for his own viewing pleasure was… sickening.

“Yes, I think that should be splendid.” The Captain clapped his hands, looking actually excited about the prospect. Erwin gulped. He couldn’t exactly go back on what had been said before – it would make him look weak, and that was exactly what the capital wanted him to present himself as.

“Fine. A short one. I really have to get back to Headquarters,” he said, trying to keep his voice neutral.

“Believe me when I say that the prisoners here deserve any recreational scolding the guards may engage in,” the Captain replied. He beckoned one of the guards with his finger and whispered something into the man’s ear. The soldier saluted him and left tearing down the corridor.

“Where’s he off to?” Pixis asked with a slight slur. The Captain gave him an unimpressed look.

“To fetch the subject, of course. Prisoner three-six-nine-five. Top security.” He turned to glance at Erwin with a malicious smirk playing on his lips. “I rather think that Commander Erwin will enjoy seeing this particular show.”

Erwin really didn’t want to think about the implication as they walked into the room. His eyes went wide. The room was better equipped than the entirety of Hanji’s lab. Tongs, whips, crucifixes, iron maidens, thumbscrews were just the tiny number of instruments that he saw in the sparsely illuminated room. His stomach felt like he shouldn’t have had the hurried breakfast he had taken before leaving the Survey Corps headquarters.

“Impressive, isn’t it?” The guard asked with a satisfied smirk. “State of the art, I told you.”

“Impressive…” Erwin echoed.

The door opened behind them and they turned to look at the unfortunate subject of their demonstration. For the second time in mere seconds, Erwin felt like his food was about to escape him.

Blue eyes met slate-grey, and for a moment, he stood, frozen, gaping at the sight of his former fiancé who hadn’t been seen for months. How long had he been in here? Clad in rags and bruises, scars and scratches, his hair way too long to be proper, eyes sunken and wrists frail, Levi was a shadow of himself. The guards thrust him onto the chair, locking the shackles behind his back. If Levi had recognized him, he gave no indication of it. It was as if he had been emptied out from the inside.

“I think we should leave the Commander to try the instruments out by himself, don’t you?” The Captain asked Pixis and the man was drunk enough to nod merrily, his eyes skimming over the reunion. Erwin didn’t move an inch as one by one, the rest of the men filed out of the room, leaving the two of them alone. The door slammed shut with an air of finality.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, new chapter of Just Another Night :) Sorry for the delay, I had finals and then travelled home for the summer, so it was all a bit hectic. Well, now I have three entire months to laze around and contribute to the fandom (hopefully). 
> 
> Un-betaed, so all mistakes are mine!

He really did look pitiful. Small and somehow… _shrunken_. As if the life had been taken out of him and all that was left with an empty package, a frail little carcass. Erwin looked down at his former fiancé, and he realized that despite the trauma both of them had suffered, despite all the things that he had said to Levi in his head over the course of the past months, this was more torturous than any nightmare either of them had seen at night. Levi was really here but… could this really be Levi? This tiny form that resembled a chased animal more than a human being?  

“Levi,” the Commander breathed, falling to his knees in front of the chair and looking up at the younger man’s bruised and blooded face, of which he could see very little – Levi’s hair had grown too long. He wanted to lift Levi’s chin up but the second he stretched out his hands to touch the young man, Levi flinched away.

Erwin’s fingers went slack in the air. This was not the time to be tender, he supposed; Levi was right.

“What are you doing here?”

The younger man refused to utter a word, eyes fixed on his knees. It was clear that this was not Levi’s first week here, not even his first month. Erwin wondered just how long the former soldier had been free before he had been captured and taken here. He refused to believe that it had been just this easy to catch Levi, the fierce criminal that had teased him for weeks before he had even managed to clap eyes on him. Erwin’s brain just couldn’t compute the fact that it really was Levi, his former right-hand man and fiancé, sitting chained to a chair, waiting to be tortured by him.

For a brief moment, Erwin felt like it. His hand twitched towards a pair of iron tongs, but he stopped himself before he could go through with the action. He couldn’t do this to Levi. Not after everything the two of them had lived together. Not after the feelings that Erwin had thought he had managed to file away and lock in a safe space within his head, not after those feelings returned, barraging him with the force of a fucking Titan’s fist. No matter how much pain Levi had brought him by leaving, Erwin couldn’t just strip him of his dignity like this. It looked like dignity was all that the dark-haired man had left; and there was little, so little to preserve. The rags Levi was wearing looked more like they were better suited for cleaning the floor of a pigsty than clothing. They barely covered anything, and since the prison itself was a cold stone building, it was not surprising that the younger man was covered with goose bumps, head to toe. Erwin remembered how cold Levi would get during the night because of his lack of fat and slight form. He remembered sacrificing his own blanket for the man, and he remembered how every time Levi would wake up and look at him sternly, wordlessly pushing the blanket back towards him. The two of them would then end up sharing each other’s body warmth until the break of dawn.

“Levi, talk to me,” Erwin said quietly, not touching the younger man but looking at him intently. The boy – and that was what he was right now, a mere boy who looked broken and forlorn – refused to say anything, choosing instead to shake his head rapidly and stopping when the pain of it got too much. Erwin noticed the track marks on his neck, as if he had been strangled with a chain or a wire contraption of some sort repeatedly. The realization made him want to walk out the door and find the smug fuck in charge of this prison to never let him see the light of day. But Levi needed him right now, and Erwin was not going to leave before he got some answers, either way.

“Levi, please…” The Commander exhaled, inching closer again as Levi squirmed uncomfortably. His shoulder were even tinier than they had been before, and there was a certain stiffness to his movements that was unnatural even despite the fact that he had his hands handcuffed behind his back. It looked like the younger man had had his shoulder joints dislocated before. “Look at me.”

“Fuck… if it will make you stop your whining… fine…”

The blue eyes widened in surprise when Erwin heard Levi’s low voice from behind the curtain of matted hair. Levi’s grey gaze met his, and the Commander was momentarily shocked by the ire in it, as if he was an unwelcome guest in Levi’s life.

The dark-haired man was seething on the inside. How fucking typical. He had been trying to avoid Erwin at all cost in order to save the idiot’s life – Kenny had made it clear that there would be consequences for both of them if they ever came in contact, knowing that Erwin’s hero complex wouldn’t allow him to leave his former lover in trouble even despite everything Levi had made him go through. Apparently, the higher-ups didn’t want the Commander of the Survey Corps to find any sort of happiness, whether it was career-wise or in his personal life. And they had gotten it in their heads that Levi was crucial to that happiness; something the man himself doubted significantly, but he could do nothing else but try to keep away from the irritating blond he had come to love. The slow burn of realization that he was indeed very much in love with the Commander had come throughout his tenure in prison. At first he had thought it was guilt, nothing but a human reaction to having acted as a total swine to the older man. But then… then he had realized that he _missed_ Erwin, even though he was such a fucking idiot with his daydreaming and his kisses, and his dreams of the future with Levi.

“Levi?” The hurt in Erwin’s voice was enough to make the dark-haired prisoner break down, but he kept himself in check, knowing that any sign of weakness would be seen by the blond as a chance to jump in and try to save the day. Except Levi didn’t deserve to be saved, in spite of all the erroneous expectations and notions Erwin held about him.

“Levi, please… why are you here?”

_Not ‘why did you leave me?’ That’s interesting, Commander. You’re even a bigger fool than I thought you were._

“I got caught.”

“What for? Where have you been? I was… I was worried about you,” Erwin said quietly and Levi’s heart clenched. He stifled the feeling mercilessly. Erwin had to leave.

“It’s none of your business where I was,” the former soldier said quietly, looking back down at his knees. He found Erwin’s gaze to be too intense for his delicate sensibilities. The Commander really had mastered the puppy dog look quite well. “If that’s all you want to know, then don’t waste your time. Ask that buddy of yours for the court documents, I’m sure he’ll be happy to share.”

Erwin flinched at the younger man’s response, and sank back to sit on his heels. “What are you doing? Why… what happened? I thought-,”

“You thought that I was in love with you? That I was going to marry you and we would live happily ever after?” Levi said with vitriol. Erwin’s hands clenched into fists upon hearing his words, but he refused to say anything before he heard Levi say the words himself. The dark-haired man chuckled bitterly. “You really are a fool, Commander. You thought that I was the love of your life, eh? That I would just magically fall for you after you killed my best friends? After you took everything I had? After you made me give up my life, the life I was perfectly happy with, to serve your selfish needs? Think again, you sick fuck!”

A sharp slap resounded across the room as Erwin’s open palm collided with Levi’s cheek. For a moment, the Commander sat there, reeling, not believing that he had done that. Oh yes, he had hit Levi plenty, but never like this, never in return for something. Never as retribution for something so screwed up. His hands trembled as he looked at the young man whose head had been blown to the side by the force of the hit. Levi didn’t move from that position, only panting heavily, as if he was mocking Erwin. Maybe he really was. Erwin couldn’t… no. This was not possible.

“I am a con man by nature, Smith. A little bit of acting to get on your good sight is nothing for me,” Levi continued, hair plastered over his beaten face. Erwin only stared at him. “I did it to get protection. I knew that nobody would want me alive in the Survey Corps, at least, not at first. So I got into your bed.”

“It’s more than that,” Erwin said quietly, face downcast.

“Pardon?”

“It’s more than that,” the Commander repeated, grabbing Levi’s face and forcing the dark-haired man to look at him. His gaze was met by impassive slate-grey eyes that were so blank they almost failed to reflect light. “Tell me it’s more than that!”

“And lie?”

“No!” Erwin growled, his fingers digging into the tender skin of Levi’s chin. “Damn it, Levi! Tell me! I _held_ you! I _know_ you–,”

“You don’t know shit, Commander,” Levi panted in response, spitting out blood. He didn’t know whether it had come from Erwin’s blow or the fact that his mouth had been ripped open numerous times by the guards at the prison. It didn’t really matter, because either way, he was going to stay here. This was where he deserved to be, far away from Erwin. That way the Commander would be safe. Heartbroken, yes, but safe from harm. That was all that mattered. Levi’s life was over, anyway. Something told him that this little meeting had not been an accident, that the warden had decided to torture him just one last time, one _ultimate_ time before he was sent to his death. To give him a taste of what he had given up. This was the true face of the Military Police, and it was a gloriously fitting end to the Underground’s flyer.

“You don’t know the first thing about me.”

Erwin let go of his face and stepped back, watching Levi as if he had just seen him for the first time, and when he had seen was a leper, a disgusting, infectious, diseased sub-human. _Good_ , Levi thought to himself, basking in the glory of Erwin’s disgust. _This is exactly what you should be feeling for me. Discard those notions of love, because I don’t deserve a fraction of your affection, Erwin Smith._

“So all of it was a lie?”

Levi nodded.

“When you told me that you wanted to be with me? When you… oh, Sina, when you _fucked_ me? When you… when you said that you wanted to marry me? To spend the rest of your life with me?” Erwin asked in a hushed whisper, as if he were praying. Levi’s chest squeezed painfully. Why did Erwin have to be so fucking eloquent? So fucking dramatic about everything? And why the hell did his heart have to feel like it was about to explode? Like he was making the worst mistake of his life, even though he had already made so many before? For someone who enjoyed calculating every step and acting rationally, an act like falling in love had been too impulsive, too out of character, and Levi had no idea what to do about it. There was no way to remedy the fact that he had not escaped this unscathed. He had left behind a part of himself, and that part was struggling for survival in Erwin’s hands. That part of him _wanted_ to be there, preserved in Erwin’s memory and sheltered by his own withered body.

“I never loved you.”

The words felt heavy on his tongue and even heavier in his chest. Levi didn’t need to look up. He heard a stifled sound emanate from Erwin, somewhere halfway between a groan of defeat and a sob – a fucking _sob_ , Erwin, _you idiot!_ – before the man got off his knees, slipping out of Levi’s reach forever. The dark-haired man dared not look to see him stride towards the door stiffly, all angles and thorns. He could almost feel the drag of the physical distance that Erwin was putting between the two of them.

The Commander stood at the door for the longest time. He looked at Levi with dry eyes. There was nothing to cry over. There had never been anything to cry over in the first place. Because one couldn’t mourn something that had never existed. Though his tears were absent, the pain between his lungs was there, fully formed and stabbing him, making him want to keel over and beg Levi to return to him, to fake it again because he really didn’t care – he only needed to love Levi. He could deal with not being loved in return. That was how pathetic Erwin Smith felt. And yet something, an inner strength that Erwin never knew he possessed, made him place his hand on the doorknob. He gave his former lover one last look.

“I think you’ve suffered enough. They should put you out of your misery.”

The iron door slammed shut behind him with a thud and Levi was left alone with nothing else for company but his choices.

_Erwin is safe._

For the first time in years, Levi Ackerman wept.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is! Greetings from sunny Dubai, my dears!

It took Erwin about a week to recover from the shock of seeing Levi – and hearing what his former fiancé had apparently been holding in since the beginning. It would have been a total lie if he were to claim that he hadn’t been hurt. Because it hurt. Hurt more than anything. It hurt like nothing Erwin had ever experienced before. What made it even more painful was the fact that despite everything that had rolled off Levi’s tongue, that disdainful, treacherous tongue, Erwin’s heart still skipped a beat whenever someone knocked on the door of his quarters. He was still waiting for Levi to show up and explain himself, to beg Erwin to take him back, to apologize, to throw himself into Erwin’s arms and become his once more. And Erwin would accept him, because his heart was just big enough to accommodate this one wonderful, confusing, infuriating man. Perhaps it was too much, perhaps he expected too much of Levi, perhaps he was a dreamer… but he didn’t want to think that it was all over, just like this. Because it couldn’t be. They had shared too much – shared, meaning that it had gone both ways. It couldn’t have all been a lie.

He tried to make himself forget the entire thing – starting with his affair with Levi right up to the moment that he had left the man in the torture chamber with a gaping hole in his chest. He tried to immerse himself fully in his work, to dedicate his entire existence to the cause of humanity – as he had originally intended to before Levi had come along and stirred up something inside of him that had made him question even the most sacred pillar of his life. Levi had made him think for the first time since his childhood that perhaps, being selfish was good sometimes. That it would make him feel better about sending people to their deaths, if he indulged in something earthly and completely human himself. Now, he attempted to erase this notion, to lose himself in what his purpose really was.

Which was why Kenny Ackerman in full Anti-Human regalia sitting on his office desk was not a very nice find after a grueling day.

“Yo, Commander,” the man greeted him in a familiar manner, not moving from the stack of paperwork he was using as a perch. Erwin was too tired to argue against Kenny’s presence, so he simply closed the door and hung up his uniform coat on a peg by the wardrobe. He took his time arranging the lapels so they wouldn’t crinkle while the coat wasn’t being used – a habit he had picked up from his former fiancé who, despite his love for cleanliness, absolutely despised laundering and ironing. The passing thought felt like a stab in the gut, and Erwin shrugged it off as he drew a breath and finally turned around to face the elder Ackerman, arms crossed over his chest, blue eyes narrowed.

“To what do I owe the pleasure, Mister Ackerman?”

Kenny let out a shrill little giggle that made Erwin want to draw out his blades. The man was absolutely despicable. Erwin had only had the displeasure of meeting him once, and that one time had been enough for him to almost swear off the entire Ackerman clan (though, at the time, he had had no idea that the disgusting slime ball had a nephew who was going to be the love of his life). Kenny looked positively ecstatic, which meant bad news for any decent human being in general: that was just the way the man functioned. Levi had told Erwin about the way the man had treated him during his childhood and Erwin was somehow inclined to think that what Levi had said had not been a lie – as opposed to what the younger man had told him throughout their relationship, apparently. Kenny Ackerman was just the kind of person who would be gleeful at another person’s misfortune, who would treat his own flesh and blood like shit and sell them off for profits, the kind of man who would give a knife to a four-year-old and the kind of man who would stab a good friend in the back without a second thought if it meant that he would gain something from it. That was Kenny Ackerman in a nutshell, and Erwin despised him with every fiber of his being.

“Just making a delivery, Commander Smith,” the man said, finally hopping off Erwin’s desk. The blond circled Kenny and took up his perch in his chair. Kenny reached into his front pocket and drew out a crumpled scroll that looked like it had seen much better days and practically threw it into Erwin’s face. The Commander broke the seal and raised an eyebrow.

“What? I don’t need to open your mail to know what’s inside. Since I am privy to this sort of information and all,” the Ackerman said self-importantly, grinning at Erwin with a set of mismatched white-and-gold teeth. The Commander said nothing in response, choosing instead to read what was written in the missive that was apparently so important it merited delivery by the most disgusting man to ever walk within the three Walls.

His stomach clenched.

“What is this?” He looked up at Kenny again and the man beamed.

“And here I thought reading was a requirement for Commandership in the military,” he taunted openly, snatching the paper away from Erwin’s hands and dangling it in front of his nose as if it were some sort of delicious bait. Erwin’s chest felt like it would collapse at any second because what he had just read couldn’t have been true. He had assumed that everything he had seen a couple of weeks ago had just been for show, that… it had been foolish to think so. It had been foolish to presume that the higher-ups would ever let him live out his tenure as Commander in peace without raising his old ghosts and opening fresh wounds.

“This is a summons to my nephew’s execution, of course. Front-row seat and all. I bet you’re _dying_ to see him hang, aren’t you?” Kenny asked with the most gleeful look on his face. Erwin felt absolutely sick to the stomach. How could this man…? No. Focus.

“When was this decision made?” He asked evenly, even though his heart was hammering away at a thousand miles per hour. “I heard nothing of a trial.”

“Oh, there was no trial needed in the end. Levi’s a criminal. Criminals get executed,” Kenny told him slowly, as if he were explaining something very simple to a very dimwitted child. “Honestly, I don’t think there ever was to be a trial to begin with. Everything’s pretty obvious. It was just a matter of setting the date. Funny, just like your wedding.”

There was a loud bang when Erwin’s fist made contact with the desktop. Kenny was unfazed as he watched Erwin through amused, slanted eyes. “No need to lose your temper with me, Commander. I am just here on behalf of the fair government of Sina.”

“Leave.”

Though he was an idiot, Kenny had a fantastic sense for self-preservation. Within moments, all the remained after his was the stench of women and alcohol and a steady odor of something Erwin could only describe as death.

He sat there, behind his desk, contemplating what he had just been told. Levi was going to die. Just like that. He supposed that Kenny had expected something more out of him: anger, a tantrum, something _solid_ , something that would make Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps more _human_. And though it was true that Levi had come the closest to turning the iceberg that Erwin had become into an actual person, news of his impending demise only served to harden Erwin’s shell even further. With distinct clarity, as if he had just woken up after the worst hangover in the history of humanity, Erwin stood up. He knew what he had to do.

When the Commander showed up in the rec room, everyone stared. It wasn’t rare for Erwin to hang out with the soldiers – at least, it _hadn’t been_ until the entire Levi fiasco. Since then, Erwin had barely made it his business to appear as if he were living, let alone eager to socialize with other people. So when he strode through the door, all set jaw and broad shoulders, looking taller than he had ever looked, eyes turned and mouths opened wide. Erwin paid the onlookers no regard, heading straight for the corner table at which his two most trusted officers sat, immersed in conversation.

“Mike, Hanji, something came up,” he said, trying not to appear as urgent as he felt. Two days from now. That was all they had. Two days.

* * *

The three of them rode towards the capital in complete silence. Mike was probably mulling over the logistics while Hanji kept their eyes on Erwin’s back. The Commander could feel both of their inquisitive gazes, nailing him down and judging him. He knew that it was probably foolish, what the three of them were about to do. In regard to his own dignity, it surely defied all logic.

“Stop melting me down with your stares,” he finally said, turning to look at his two officers, both of them lacking even the decency to look appropriately sheepish. Hanji shrugged in response, cocking their head to the side.

“It’s just… unlike you, that’s all, Erwin.”

“You will have to elaborate on that, Hanji. I don’t think I have yet reached that point in evolution that I can understand half-speak,” the Commander told his subordinate, and Hanji sighed, glancing at Mike uneasily. Erwin almost pitied the scientist. As brilliant as they were in terms of Titan strategies and studies, they were absolutely shit at any sort of human interaction. Although very few Survey Corps soldiers could boast anything that could even be remotely named social aptitude. That was just the way people were when they spent most of their time hunting things they were supposed to be running from.

“You know what I’m talking about here. Don’t play dumb, it doesn’t become you,” Hanji said semi-sternly. “Levi. I thought you were trying to get over that whole thing.”

“Getting over and condemning an innocent man to death are two absolutely different things, Hanji,” Erwin said shortly. Hanji snorted.

“You can hardly call him innocent, Commander. You know better than anyone about the things he’s done in the past. Who’s to say he didn’t do them again? He dumped you, didn’t he? And then he told you that your whole relationship was a ruse.”

Erwin turned a weary gaze towards Mike who only shrugged. So it looked like the entire Survey Corps thought that Levi had been playing Erwin since the beginning.

“So you won’t give him the benefit of the doubt?” The Commander asked, eyes back on the road ahead. He wished that his horse would speed up but the poor creature was already exhausted. “How about you give it to me then?”

“Sir?”

“None of this sir business here, Mike,” Erwin said with a sigh. “You know that what I asked of you would probably get you court-marshaled. But you agreed to do it, which means that you either have more faith in me or in Levi than you let on. Either way, I am not ready to let him go just yet. It doesn’t feel right. The things he said back there–,”

“Wishful thinking, Commander,” Hanji interrupted, watching Erwin cautiously. “I knew.”

“What do you mean, you _knew_?” Erwin asked evenly. He didn’t want to even consider the possibility of…

“I knew because I am observant. So I observed and I asked him. And he told me that he was planning on you falling for him and giving him protection.”

“Oh. And you kept this from me, why?”

“Because he made you happy. He still might. That’s why I am doing this. Not for his benefit, but for yours.”

Erwin nodded silently, accepting the response for what it was. Hanji always knew the right thing to say.

* * *

That evening, Erwin found himself sneaking around the Sina prison, desperately trying to search out Levi’s cell. He had been forced to leave Mike behind to stand guard, so he couldn’t rely on the man’s immense sense of smell to help him find his former fiancé. The entire prison was like a maze and though he was pretty good at planning out advances, those normally happened in the open field, so trying to predict a cluster of guards in an alcove or seeking one cell among what seemed like thousands was problematic for him to say the least.

He heard voices just as he rounded the corner and pressed himself into a corner silently, hopeful that they wouldn’t come his way.

They did. The three guards were laughing loudly, dragging something half-alive by a chain towards the execution courtyard. The _thing_ , whatever it was, refused to struggle against the restraints, simply digging its heels into the stone floor. It was almost lifeless, and Erwin’s heart skipped a beat when he recognized the unmistakably short stature. That didn’t make any sense. There was still an entire day left until Levi’s execution was scheduled… unless they had expected Erwin to show up at the last moment to save the day.

Unless they had planned on him coming all along. Rage flooded his senses and the Commander sprang into action.

Within seconds, Erwin’s fists had taken care of the guards with practiced ease, and the chain wound itself around his wrist. He yanked on it, forcing Levi to look at him.

“Levi!”

Grey eyes stared at him, wide with disbelief. Erwin half-expected the younger man to throw himself at him, to kiss him senseless, to fall to his knees and grovel. He had definitely not expected the criminal’s knee to collide with his shin.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here, you shit-head?”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the honor of Chapter 70 coming out, here's a new installment of this fic!  
> Totally unbetaed, which I am sorry for, but I have to post it because fuck, the Eruri feels hit hard today.

Erwin stared at his former lover dumbly. What the hell was Levi playing at? This was one reaction that Erwin would have never expected of the younger man. He had thought that Levi would be begging to be taken back, thankful, at least, for Erwin’s having come to rescue him. The Commander of the Survey Corps was no longer used to being treated to sharp jabs in the shin, so he winced, looking down at Levi with wide eyes.

“I asked you a question,” Levi panted, his voice clearly straining as he worked through the pain that came from all the injuries the Military Police had inflicted upon him. Nevertheless, defiant grey eyes narrowed as his defiant glare met Erwin’s confused one. This was completely different from what Erwin had encountered when he had last seen Levi in the inquiry chamber. Back then, the younger man had even refused to look at him, mumbling something incoherent before breaking Erwin’s heart into tiny pieces. Now, though, he was a fire burning beneath Erwin’s feet, he was a dangerous flame, an angry, tortured animal that looked like all of its efforts to escape captivity had been thwarted. Except _no,_ Erwin thought, he had come to rescue Levi. Why was the dark-haired man reacting like this?

“I’ll ask it again, you stupid fuck. What the hell are you doing here?” Levi asked, his voice barely above an angry gasp. To Erwin, it sounded like cannon fire.

“I… I came to get you out of here,” Erwin said quietly, hoping that no policemen would come to see what was taking the others so long to bring Levi to the place where he was supposed to meet his doom. “You’re scheduled for an execution, well, tomorrow, but it looks like their plans changed and–,”

“What the fuck, Erwin?” The former Corporal let out a pained chuckle that was full of hopeless derision. “Did you not get enough from me? You came back for more? How fucking stupid are you? I told you that–,”

“I don’t care what you said to me, Levi. I have a duty to my soldiers. You were my friend and lover for a long time and–,”

“It wasn’t real, you idiot.”

“It was to me. I’m selfish.”

Levi’s eyes widened. After a moment of simply staring at the blond, he shook his head. “Leave.”

“I am not leaving this place without you. You will die and–,”

“Fucking hell, Erwin, I’m trying to save your fucking hide here!” Levi burst out, surprising even himself. “If they see you here, you’re as good as dead and I am _not_ letting all my work go to waste!”

“Work?”

“You’re the fucking Commander, Erwin, _the_ fucking Commander! You shouldn’t concern yourselves with criminals who toy with you left and right.”

“Levi, what did you mean by work?” Erwin asked slowly, his eyes on Levi, who turned away, refusing to look at him once more.

“That is none of your concern.”

“Tell me. Tell me,” Erwin said as he grasped Levi by the middle of the shackles that kept his hands together, shaking him desperately, as if hoping to get the answer out of the dark-haired man this way. Levi remained limp in his hold, resigned. He knew that Erwin was stubborn, but even the good Commander had his limits. Levi would just have to push him away harder, despite the pain in his gut that pierced him every time he looked into Erwin’s unseeing, desolate eyes. He only just realized how much he had broken Erwin.

The Erwin Smith that he had known would have never come to the rescue of a single soldier on a whim. And this was exactly that – a whim, a caprice of an old man who still clung to ghostly fantasies of one day becoming a husband to someone who would love him and stay by his side forever. Erwin had always been sentimental, but never with matters of the heart. Levi had destroyed that defense, rendering the man irrational. And he had done it just because he had wanted to, to pursue his own selfish agenda. Not because he had initially wanted to be loved. And though his heart sang right now, glowing with the warmth of being so important to Erwin, his rational mind was protesting against this with all its might. Levi had to push Erwin away harder, before the man got himself killed on Levi’s account.

“Levi, tell me, what did you mean? What work?” The Commander kept repeating.

“My job was to keep you alive. It still is,” Levi said shortly. Erwin stared at him for a moment before loosening his hold on Levi’s chains.

“W-what are you saying?”

“He’s saying that if you continue trying to get him out of here, he will have failed to protect the only thing he holds dear.”

Erwin spun around to see Kenny Ackerman standing in the back of the corridor, his sickening smirk stretching his old, rugged face, as he walked towards the two of them. Levi tried to keep his balance as he skidded in front of Erwin, crawling half-assedly to put himself between Kenny and the Commander.

Erwin grew more and more confused by the second.

“Your face!” Kenny laughed and Levi let out a growling sound, spitting blood onto the floor when he started to choke.

“Honestly, Commander Smith, don’t tell me you haven’t figured it out yet. Say, love does change a man, and not in a good way. Your brains used to be much better than this, now you’re just… fucking dumb, that’s what you are, Commander Smith,” the repulsive man continued as he walked, stopping a couple of steps away from them. He looked down at his nephew and cackled. “Looks like you two are the ideal couple for the Survey Corps. Fucking stupid and fucking weak.”

“What’s your business here, Kenny?” Erwin asked, his hand going to the knife he kept strapped to his belt. It had been a good idea to bring extra weaponry on this suicide mission.

“Why, you are, my dear Commander.”

“Explain.”

Levi tried to say something but Kenny suddenly lurched forward and slammed his foot into the side of the man’s chest, making him shriek out in agony, as his barely-mended ribs were broken again. Erwin acted on instinct when he surged after Kenny, his hand going to grasp the front of his shirt. He found himself staring down the barrel of a gun within a split second’s time. Levi tried to wrap his arms around Kenny’s leg to immobilize him, but the man kicked him away as one would do to a stray cat, making Levi whimper and go limp. Erwin realized that he had probably fainted due to shock rather than injury, and he wondered what kind of horrible things the dark-haired man had gone through in here.

“A patron of mine gave me a mission, you see,” Kenny said calmly. He cocked his head to the side, as if he were inspecting a particularly interesting specimen of a rare exotic animal. “A mission to make sure that the Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith, never knows happiness. Because happiness makes him too cocky, too bold, too motivated to change things and stick his nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“Why not kill me?” Erwin asked calmly.

“That would be too suspicious, you see. They didn’t want to have to answer the public’s questions. You are well-loved in the Walls, Commander Smith, even though you might not realize that. Out of all us military men, the people hate you the least.”

“Turns out, you see, that you are a man of very simple tastes. You seem to have taken a liking to my nephew’s little asshole, so the only way standing between me and my salary was that ring that you wanted to put on his finger. I gave little Levi an ultimatum.”

“You made him leave me?”

“Oh yes. I thought it would be easy at first, you know. Considering he only started sleeping with you because he wanted you to save his ass from the Military Police and the rest of your soldiers. That’s Levi for you. He’s never been a popular kid, even in the Underground… at least not when he wasn’t sucking dick. _Then_ , oh yes, Commander Smith, he was quite the prominent one.”

Erwin gritted his teeth. Kenny. This was all Kenny’s doing from the beginning.

“But then I discovered that the little shit actually has feelings. Looks like I didn’t manage to beat those out of him when he was a kid. So he started clinging to you. Which was fucking stupid if you ask me. Breakups are supposed to be quick and painless, but the idiot just had to go and actually fall in love with you and wait until the day of your wedding. Dick move on his part, if you ask me,” Kenny continued, his yellowish teeth bared in a grin that brought even the bravest men to their knees. Erwin remained stoic, his mind churning.

“Anyway, he _loved_ you too much to stay with you, and it served my purpose wonderfully. You looked like you were about to go and hand yourself over to the Titans as an evening snack after Levi left. It was kind of, what’s the word? Sickening. Disgusting to see a powerful man like you pine away after a street rat like my nephew. Although he wasn’t much better. Little asshole actually _cried_ when he escaped you at the altar, can you believe that?”

“So you got what you wanted, then? Why the hell did Levi end up here?” Erwin asked, his voice shaking with rage. He glanced at Levi’s unmoving form on the floor. He had to get the former Corporal to a healer, as soon as possible, because he knew that the force of shock alone was enough to make the man’s body shut down permanently. Levi was in so much pain, at least, he had been when he had been conscious, yet his bloodied face remained strangely serene in the dim lighting of the prison corridor. Erwin wondered if this was the first time Levi was actually relaxed.

“Well, a job well done is a job completed, right, Commander? When I heard that you were coming to rescue Levi, I knew that I have to prevent this happy little reunion from happening. My employer would be very angry with me if I didn’t do my job properly, and I have always prided myself on guaranteeing the best outcome possible for whoever’s paying,” Kenny said breezily. Erwin’s eyes narrowed.

“You were the one who told me about the execution.”

Kenny’s smile got even wider as he looked at Erwin over the barrel of his gun.

“Correct.”

“The people I assume to be your employers invited me here to see Levi before that.”

“So they did.”

“You never intended for Levi to get out of this alive, did you?”

“Ah, I see your sharp mind has returned to you, Commander Smith.” Kenny let out a shrill laugh that made Erwin’s hair stand on end. “You act like a fucking bitch in heat whenever my nephew’s name is mentioned. My employers wouldn’t approve of my chosen method, but they understand that this is the only way to get rid of your pesky omnipresence.”

“What if I say that I will give my life to protect Levi?” Erwin asked quietly, his eyes once more straying to look at the crumpled form on the ground. _Levi, you really are extraordinary,_ he thought affectingly. This man had given him everything, maybe unwittingly, but he had, and now it was Erwin’s turn to give something back, if only a fraction of the world that Levi had opened up for him ever since Erwin had realized that he had fallen for him. This was the kind of love that Erwin had always wondered about. He had always asked himself whether there was something out there that surpassed his sense of duty.

Perhaps not. Perhaps love was simply equally important as duty. Because to him, love _was_ duty.

And so it was to Levi.

“Then,” Kenny began, cackling madly as he cocked his gun. “I will have to come up with a nice excuse to give to my clients.”

Everything happened within a blink of an eye. Suddenly, Erwin was falling back-first onto the floor, his knee hurting like a bitch. The gunshot resounded against the walls of the corridor, ricocheting and missing any target. As Erwin fell, hitting his head painfully, he saw a blur of black insert itself between Kenny and him, knocking the criminal onto the floor, a distinct silver glint in its hand.

 _My knife_ , Erwin thought as his vision slowly ebbed into normalcy. _He has my knife._

A flash of metal coincided in time with another gunshot. There was a spurt of blood, red, red, red _everywhere_ Erwin could see. He struggled to keep his balance as he crawled towards Kenny, who lay, choking, gasping for air, on the floor. Everything swam into focus and Erwin saw it, his knife, buried deep in the man’s neck. Levi’s form lay on top of him, immobile, and Erwin managed to get him off the man, taking the former Corporal into his arms. Horrified, he saw the bullet wound in Levi’s right side. The boy’s eyelashes fluttered.

“Levi, stay with me, please,” Erwin whispered, feeling utterly powerless. Levi had just killed Kenny. Saved his life. Sina, Levi had saved his life so many times and there he was, completely broken, in Erwin’s arms.

“Somebody, help!” Erwin called, his throat immediately going raw as he pressed his hand to Levi’s wound, hoping to stop the bleeding. “Someone!”

There was nobody.

“Levi, fuck, please, don’t die, all right? We’ll get you to a doctor, we’ll…”

Rationality suddenly kicked in. Apply pressure. Do not remove bullet. Bandage. Get help. Erwin ripped a part of his cloak off mechanically and used it as a haphazard gauze on the wound before he lifted Levi in his arms heavily. He started off down the corridor as fast as he could.

“Hey.”

He looked down to see Levi’s eyes barely open, the dried blood in the corner of his mouth cracking as he tried to speak. _Levi’s alive._ “What the hell… are you… doing…?”

“What I should have done a long time ago,” Erwin replied, bounding down the corridor with his precious cargo in his hands. “Not letting you go.”

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is, ladies and gents!

Erwin should have known that getting out of the prison was not going to be a piece of cake. As soon as he rounded the corner with Levi’s limp form in his arms, he was greeted with the sight of the prison keeper along with a very smug-looking Nile Dok backed up with about a score of men in Military Police uniforms.

 _Of course._ Now everything made even more sense.

“Commander Smith, would you care to explain what it is that you are doing with a convicted criminal?”

“Unjustly convicted.” Well, he didn’t really know _that_ , all he knew was that Levi didn’t deserve whatever gruesome death they had decided to dish out to him. The former Corporal was too precious to him, and to Humanity, to just be discarded. “This man did nothing–,”

“Nothing wrong?” Nile let out a derisive laugh. “He was caught stealing. And from what I hear, it wasn’t the first time. We are all well aware of the fact that Levi Ackerman is a criminal–,”

“He _was_ a criminal. He is a changed man. He gave up his old ways to fight for the good of Humanity–,”

“Once a criminal, always a criminal,” Nile said. Erwin looked down at Levi’s prone form in his arms. The younger man was barely breathing, the tiny twitch of pain in his brow being the only sign that he was still fighting for his life. His injuries were extensive – some old, some new, some reopened wounds, all of which were hurting him like hell. Erwin had vowed to himself never to let anything hurt Levi – back when he had been preparing his wedding speech, and he remembered how he had thought that the man would not appreciate that. Levi was perfectly capable of making his own decisions – for better or worse, he had decided to put himself between Kenny and him, and Erwin respected that, and loved him all the more for it. That didn't mean that the blond wasn’t reeling to get Levi to a hospital as soon as possible.

“Look at him, Erwin. He’s useless. Nothing but a broken body. Let us take him off your hands and bring his misery to an end.”

“No.” Erwin looked up defiantly. “This man saved my life. He saved me when Kenny Ackerman was trying to kill me, apparently something he’s been doing for quite some time. Funny, Kenny told me that he got orders from up above. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you, Commander Dok?”

Nile’s face reddened. “I know nothing of the sort.”

“Well, I happen to be aware of the fact that Military Commanders are considered to be top-security personae and as such, he should be pardoned if he put his life on the line for me,” Erwin said firmly. There was no precedent for this, of course, because not many people were willing to die for a military Commander within the Walls, of course. “Levi saved my life and I will vouch for him.”

“And if we refuse to hand him over?”

“Then I will request a formal investigation into Kenny Ackerman’s assassination plans,” Erwin said, making Nile balk. “You may be a deplorable human being, Commander Dok, but you are not a fool. Don’t make me do something I will later regret. For the sake of our… former friendship.”

The two Commanders looked at each other for a while before Nile sighed, relenting. “Fine. He’s yours. But mark my word, Erwin, if he so much as kills a fly, we will be taking him away.”

“Oh, he won’t be killing flies, Nile,” Erwin said, his eyes shining with an unspoken promise. “He’ll only be killing Titans. As is his job. Now, if you’ll excuse me, this man needs urgent medical attention.”

* * *

Levi felt like a Titan had fucked him. Hard. Several times. The kind of fucking that Erwin and him hadn’t really done because the Commander had been so disgustingly gentle with him before the whole wedding fiasco.

Oh. It seemed like his memories were still intact. That was good. It didn’t help his body, though, which felt simply… awful. He struggled to move but came up with absolutely nothing, managing only a pained groan.

He heard footsteps shuffle about somewhere in the general area of where he was and something _soft_ invaded his senses. A hand. It installed itself on his forehead gently and didn’t move.

“Don’t try to do anything, Levi. You have a ton of broken bones.” He knew for a fact that the hand didn’t belong to the owner of the voice. The voice… Hanji. It was Hanji. If Hanji was there, then the hand probably belonged to the Commander. Which meant that Erwin was still alive. And Kenny was… whatever happened to Kenny? _Right._

_I killed him._

Having broken bones and a gunshot wound in his side had never felt so satisfying. Kenny Ackerman was gone.

“Where…?” He breathed, his voice barely managing to get past his tortured larynx. He remembered screaming, having given up on his stoic front after Erwin had first left him in the dungeon. Because he had deserved it.

“You’re back home. At headquarters.” _Erwin’s voice._ “You’re safe.”

“You…?”

“I’m all right, Levi. Don’t… don’t push yourself to speak. You have fractured ribs, it must hurt to talk.” The Commander’s voice was unnecessarily mild, as if he were addressing an especially slow child. Levi wanted to protest, but instead, felt a prick on his right forearm. _What the hell…?_

“You need to rest. It’s just a little sedative,” came Hanji’s voice. “You’ll sleep for a while. Take the chance to get better.”

_I don’t want to._

“Rest now, Levi. We’ll talk later,” Erwin said gently and Levi wanted to punch him in the face. Why the hell wasn’t he yelling? Telling Levi that he had been stupid, irresponsible. Why the hell didn’t he say something about the fact that Levi had left him at the altar for the sake of what? Going back to the Underground?

He wanted to tell Erwin that nothing was going to change. That they were still not going to be all right together. But whether it was his unyielding body, the drug that Hanji had given him, or the fact that had he been conscious, he still wouldn’t have been able to say it, Levi couldn’t get a single word out. He succumbed to sleep, slipping into the torturously slow process of recovery. Perhaps it was better to face Erwin with a full set of mended bones. Just to give him the satisfaction of breaking them again.

Days went by sluggishly for Levi, who only managed to stay awake for a couple of minutes at a time. Then, he was force-fed gruel by Hanji, and comforted by the presence of that very hand on his forehead. He started not minding it too much, even though he still felt completely wrong being held by Erwin. He wondered what the older man had said to the prison guards, how the hell he had managed to get him out.

He finally got to ask the question when he was able to sit up in his cot, one of his eyes still unseeing as it was covered by a black-and-blue eyelid. Erwin’s image was slightly distorted due to the lack of depth perception on Levi’s part, but the dark-haired man could still tell that Erwin was as handsome as ever. And that he frowned when Levi asked him.

“I told them that you had a reason to live and stay by my side.”

“What’s that?”

“You saved my life, Levi. Not once. Kenny told be about what he did to us,” the Commander said seriously, eyeing Levi with caution. “I vouched for you, which makes you–,”

“Your bitch,” Levi finished for him. Erwin’s frown deepened.

“You know that isn’t true.”

“I owe you. I get it. You got me out of there, so now I will have to come back and be your personal bodyguard and–,”

“No.”

“What?” Levi’s facial muscles pulled as he tugged on a mask of perplexity.

“I want you to come back and be what you were before. My lover. My fiancé. And then, eventually, my husband.”

 _Fucking hell, he’s actually serious about this._ “You have got to be having me on, Erwin.”

“Why? Why do you think that it’s so impossible for me to want you back where you belong?” Erwin asked, his hands clenching Levi’s sheets tightly. He looked down, refusing to spare Levi a glance.

“Because I will continue hurting you and that is not all right. That is not something that I want to do anymore.”

“Then don’t hurt me.”

_You think it’s so simple?_

“I have been your weakness already. I don’t want to play that part again, Erwin,” Levi said seriously. The guilt of having made Erwin’s world cave in on itself was still fucking crushing.

“You will be my weakness regardless. Because even if you’re thousands of miles away, I still can’t stop thinking about what could have been. So give it to me, Levi. You owe me that much,” Erwin said quietly, finally getting what he wanted to say off his chest. Levi gave him a long look before sighing.

“And what if I say that I am really, truly, not in love with you?”

“I don’t care. I will love you either way. Whether you want to be friends, fuck buddies, officers, whatever. I just need you to stay with me and keep me sane.”

“I’m not very good at sanity, Erwin. You know that well enough,” Levi said soberly. He knew that whatever path he chose right now, it would end with disappointment because that was just the way things were between Erwin and him. Entirely disappointing. Levi couldn’t live up to the expectations of the Commander who fancied him some sort of eternal lover, some damsel or knight, whatever the fuck Erwin thought he was… Levi wasn’t.

“All I know is that it gets worse when you’re not there,” Erwin said quietly. “When you left, I blamed myself for being too pushy and then I blamed you for being… a liar, I guess? I just couldn’t put it together in my head, it was confusing to be cause I knew that the Levi Ackerman I took in was loyal. That he never would have said the things you said to be in that dungeon. And when you told me, and Kenney finished with the rest it all… came together and I realized that throughout this entire thing I just couldn’t bring myself to hate you.”

“I broke your heart.”

“Oh, you _destroyed_ it. But something tells me that it came with a price,” Erwin said soberly, finally looking up at Levi and reaching out tentatively to brush his thumb over the younger man’s bottom lip. “I know that it broke you just as much as it did me.”

“You’re very sure of that, old man,” Levi said quietly. He didn’t know what to do with himself. If he tried to be happy with Erwin, sadness was sure to come for both of them. People like the two of them weren’t meant to be happy. There was nothing grand in what they did for a living, and though Levi wasn’t a believer, he knew that life would not deal them a kindly card when push came to shove.

“Judging from the track record, I like my chances,” Erwin replied with a soft smile. “Please, Levi. I don’t want you to do something that you don’t want to do but if… if you want to have me, in any way, then just say yes.”

Levi looked at Erwin sadly. His entire body still hurt from all the torture he had gone through in prison, and he knew that his ribs were probably sticking out because of how starved he had been. He knew that Erwin could offer him security. Food. Shelter. Comfort.

Erwin could offer him love, something that Levi had only experienced once, before he had walked away from it for the sake of Erwin’s survival and his own selfish need to save the man’s life. _Can I offer him anything in return?_ Levi wondered. He had not a single penny to his name. Everything he owned belonged to the military. He had a terrible personality and issues that ran incredibly deep. He had an obsession with cleaning, he had nightmares almost every night (though Erwin’s presence in the same bed had always managed to abate them if only a little). _Can I love Erwin back?_

“I don’t know if I can give you what you want.”

“Anything, Levi. Anything you can give me, I will take.”

“That’s pathetic, Erwin.”

“I know.”

Levi considered Erwin’s words for a moment longer.

“I think… I think I can try.”

Erwin’s face lit up. “You will?”

“I will,” Levi agreed with a sigh. “But I want to do it properly this time. Let’s not start with a ring. I want to fall in love with for real. I have a feeling that I already might be… very infatuated with you, but I want to go through the process. I want you to tell me your trainee stories and take me out to see the stars. I want to fuck you as if it were our first time.”

“You want to start over?”

“Not start over. Just… fill in the blanks.”


	13. Omake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it! This is not the final chapter, per se, rather, a very sexy epilogue for you guys to enjoy. Thank you for all your comments and kudos, you guys are the absolute best!
> 
> Therefore... Enjoy!

Levi felt the wind whoosh out of his lungs when his back met the wall with a dull thud. He felt trapped, almost completely confined, squeezed in between a wall and an even harder place – the chest of Commander Erwin Smith whose hands were currently working on undoing the pesky buttons of his parade uniform.

“Fuck, I can’t believe this is happening,” the blond breathed into his ear and a shiver went up and down Levi’s spine. He tried to say something in response, but all he could muster up was a needy little whine at the back of his throat. He tried to angle his hips so he could rub himself against Erwin’s thigh, but the other man pulled away, pinning his wrists to the wall over his head. “No, Levi. You’ve denied me this for _weeks_ , now it’s my turn to tease you.”

 _You have got to be kidding me,_ Levi thought frustrated, not seizing his movements at all. He struggled in Erwin’s hold and found, with irritation, that he couldn’t counter the man’s arm strength. Levi’s strong point out there in the field was his speed and agility; and though he was built very well for a man of his stature, he was still somewhat shaky after his treatment in prison, and he could definitely not match Erwin who could easily crush people’s skulls between his two hands.

“This is what you get for acting like a fucking _virgin_ for weeks before our wedding,” Erwin growled, his mouth finding the side of Levi’s neck. The Corporal felt the tender skin break beneath the man’s teeth and he let out a loud moan. _Fuck, how come we’ve never done it this way?_ He thought to himself, his mind cloudy with desire. Before, every time they had fucked, Erwin had taken care not to hurt him, all soft touches and tender kisses, scared that Levi would pull away or break beneath his hold. After their _incident_ , as the two of them had taken to call the period in which Levi had left Erwin at the altar, gone to the Underground, then to prison, the effectively thrown himself in the path of a bullet to save Erwin’s life, the Commander had come to understand just how much Levi was willing to take.

Levi had thought it would be funny to play the prude and refuse intercourse after Erwin had proposed to him a second time – given how traditional Erwin was, he had considered it hilarious at first how Erwin had balked at the idea. _Delayed gratification,_ Levi had told him, and eventually the Commander had stewed down, only shooting Levi furtive glances and playfully slapping him on the ass whenever he was around. It had been as if Erwin had accepted Levi’s little bargain. And he had, he had not broken their little vow of chastity until now. Of course, the second they had said their vows, he’d swept Levi off his feet and carried him all the way back down the isle with a very unambiguous rush to his step.

And now Levi was facing the consequences.

“Fuck, Erwin, what the hell?” He exclaimed when Erwin bit down on the other side of his neck extra hard. Levi was pretty sure he had drawn blood, and if not for the masochistic pleasure that was coursing through his veins, he would have been very pissed off.

“Just a little payback, husband of mine.” A shudder invaded Levi’s muscles. _Fuck, why does that sound so hot?_ He had balked at the idea of marriage when Erwin had offered it a second time – _really, this time,_ the Commander had said – but now that he was finally, _finally_ Levi Smith, he felt like he had been quite the fool. He _belonged_ to Erwin now, wholly and completely.

“Payback?” Levi breathed when Erwin finally pulled away from his neck and released his wrists only to grab him by the forearm and throw him onto the bed they had shared so many times before but never like this.

“For holding out on me,” the blond replied. He was now on all fours, hovering over Levi’s form, which lay prostrate on the bed. He dipped down to place a bruising kiss on the Corporal’s lips and Levi finally felt himself spur into action as he kissed Erwin back with equal fervor. Two could play at this game.

“You’re the one who treated me like a fucking china doll this whole time,” the dark-haired man said with a smirk on his face. Erwin’s next kiss served to wipe it off effectively.

“That’s because I never thought you were such a _slut_ for me,” he replied and Levi felt his pulse quicken. The Commander’s eyes widened for a moment and he chuckled. “So you like this kind of talk, do you?”

“Slut,” he breathed into Levi’s ear before biting down on the lobe. Levi mewled.

“Whore,” he whispered when he slid Levi’s shirt off his shoulders and latched onto his right nipple.

“So hungry for me.” Erwin’s hands made quick work of Levi’s pants and as soon as they were on the floor, his lips were wrapped around Levi’s cock, making the smaller man surge up. Erwin held him down with one strong arm across the hips.

“Yes, yes, Erwin, fuck, I’m going to explode if you don’t–,”

“If I don’t _what_ , Levi?” Erwin asked when he pulled off, wiping his mouth with his hand. Blue eyes pinned Levi down to the bed and the Corporal looked up at his husband with a look of utter desperation painted across his face. He _hated_ begging, he _hated_ the fact that Erwin could reduce him to this state, but he was too fucking horny to care. He had held back long enough, and so had Erwin. This was his own fault. _If only I’d known we could be so fucking good together,_ he thought, admonishing himself for those months of denial he’d gone through when they had first started their relationship.

“Fuck me,” Levi whispered, feeling his dignity slip away.

“I didn’t hear you,” Erwin teased, and Levi fought the urge to growl.

“Fuck me.”

“What was that?”

“Oh, for Sina’s sake, have you gone _deaf_ in your old age? _Fuck me,_ damn it!” Levi practically screamed, covering his face in shame. He felt gentle hands pull at his wrists yet again and once he felt sane enough to open his eyes, his gaze met Erwin’s playful blue.

“It’s not nice to talk about my age that way. I’m hardly older than you, husband of mine.”

“Then prove it,” Levi challenged.

Erwin did. Three times that night.

Then twice in the morning before breakfast.

Then they lost count and the Survey Corps supply team put in an extra order of earplugs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://haganenoheichou.tumblr.com find me.

**Author's Note:**

> Please drop me a line here or see me at http://haganenoheichou.tumblr.com


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